Divorcing Haters

Money can't buy one class or love and it is not the key to happiness but as Joan Rivers says, "I figure if I have enough money then I can buy myself a key."

I am officially back in writing mode. I had an online blog a long time ago and took it down when I was tempted to trash certain family members who were workin' my nerves. I later began to put my thoughts, rants, and raves in an inspiring newsletter that I mailed out quarterly. Most recently I have been working on tightening up my manuscript to get it ready for print. As I near what is sure to be a successful benchmark in my life, I realize I am hitting a lot of obstacles and roadblocks trying to steer me off course. So I am back with a bigger audience, greater presence, and an unapologetic view on the world. Turning Forty does great things to a girl's perspective.

So welcome to my blog. I am a married mom to 4 kids, two at home and two out of the house. I am a Chicago girl who resides in Missouri. I commute between the city of St. Louis and a small town called West Plains. I am a reformed people pleaser, retired restaurateur, homeschooling mom, and aspiring author. I am a full time stay at home mom, part time college student, and perpetual entrepreneur.

The theme of my first day back as a blogger is "Divorcing Haters." On my desk sits a pen holder with a quote from Ernest Hemingway that reads, "the writer must write what he has to say, not speak it." So here I sit writing with lots to say, oh where to begin. I will begin with the most prevalent issue most moguls must contend with, haters looking for handouts.

Recently my husband and I watched a program on ESPN's 30 for 30 show entitled "Broke". It acts as a cautionary tale for future professional athletes and anyone really who makes it "big." Which is to say you become a success, well known, or financially stable.

What is the tendency for those of us with humble beginnings who become financially more capable e.g., lottery winners, athletes, celebrities, rappers, or business tycoons is for friends and relatives who request and then later demand what they think is owed to them from your earnings. Money rarely changes the person who earns it. It usually changes the person who hasn't earned it but thinks they are entitled to it. The earner knows the hours of hard work that go into making that money while the entitled only sees what the money can do to add to their façade of happiness.

It begins with the first gift. Some switch gets flipped in the mind of a taker the instant they are given a gift they really don't deserve. More times than not the people we lavish gifts upon are those who were witness to our struggle towards success. They weren't supporters or cheerleaders in anyway. Often they were naysayers in fact. We, the successful are happy to now say to them "see I was right to stick with my dream, it has paid off, and now surely you will accept me." But that acceptance we are looking for shows up as acceptance of the perks and hookups that surely come when one is blessed enough to earn so much that it can be shared without initially making a dent. But as the 30 for 30 film proved. The takers usually overwhelm the givers until they are depleted financially and emotionally.

So here I sit 5 years later after the family tiff that drove me away from blogging on the heels of another one all because I have the ability to say no to the takers of the world. I am a person who learns from others cautionary tales. I learn well. Poverty did not become me, being rich does. I wasn't born beautiful so having money levels the playing field quite a bit. I wasn't born male or Caucasian either so I need my money to last me as long as I am black and female. I won't bore you (any readers out there) with the details on my first day. I will allude to two stories covered by Wendy Williams this week.

Sherman Hemsley died in July and only recently will he get buried because a long lost relative showed up to contest his will. His estate was worth $50,000. Oprah Winfrey's stepmom cannot go away quietly now that she is being divorced by Vernon Winfrey until she gets access to the life being married to a mogul's father entitled her to. She doesn't want her share of his net worth she wants her share of Oprah's net worth.

This mogul mom's own net worth falls between Sherman Helmsley and Oprah's comfortably and all I did was not answer my phone when the same family member who pissed me off 5 years ago called with another emergency. So the grapevine was all a flutter with talks about my bold gesture to just not answer my phone. When did I become the bank of the family. My aunt dealt with similar issues in our large family until she feigned her own broke status did the beggars and takers leave her alone. But I don't intend to experience fake, real, or imagined brokenness in order to experience peace with my own money. I am just going to say no or if I feel like it not say anything.

So let me act as a triumphant tale of one who has a rags to riches to more riches story. I won't apologize for my version of success which allows me to pay my bills and live a great life with my husband and kids. I pay a pretty penny in taxes, am financially responsible for about 20 households' livelihood not including employees, and I give plenty to charity. The "4 more years" chant precedes my increased tax burden so I level the playing field by simply cutting some people off for good. Does that make me a heartless witch. In the eyes of the takers of the world, I am sure it does. But I'll be at the Four Seasons Spa getting over it. Download the first song from my new "Face Down" playlist I created to ease my troubled mind, "Why I Love You" by Jay-Z and Kanye West.

Until next time,
Take care of you,
Mogul Mom