I am stupid, yes, you heard me correctly.
Sometimes, I am ignorant as to the best, correct, or most acceptable way to do something. I still spill water down the front of my refrigerator thinking I can fill my water bottles directly from the water dispenser. Lack of space, small holes, and bad aim has proven that I need to fill a pitcher that has a wide opening first to avoid water spills onto my wood floor.
I still have an issue with time management. I often forget my purse, keys, or items I sat directly by the door so as not to forget them. Last week, I did two U-turns on my block looking like a fool to my neighbors or to myself at least, by repeatedly doing donuts (ooh donuts... focus) in front of my house because I could not remember if I closed the garage door or not. After the first time I went back to look, I couldn't remember what I saw so I turned around again... stupid.
Oh my God, I still say yes when I want to say no. I still give more than I should, do more than my share, and doubt myself afterwards when I do know what to do and do it. I wonder did I hurt someone's feelings, was I too loud, did I cuss too much or not enough. Yes, this is a real issue for Joe, not enough cuss outs. But here's what I have learned. There's a remedy for ignorance, and it is learning.
However, the first step is to be okay with looking or feeling stupid. Only then am I able to allow the Holy Ghost to step in and do its work. Yes, you heard me correctly, "Little Miss Knows Quite A Bit" has to admit out loud sometimes that I don't always know the best, correct, or most acceptable thing to do. To this, I say hallelujah, usually with some good beats playing while dancing alone in my living room in my panties. Yes, I strip down to the bare necessities needed to hold my jiggly parts in place while I relive the Beyoncé & Jay-Z "On The Run" concert in my living room. I surrender to not knowing by celebrating.
This is actually a metaphor for what is required by the Holy Ghost so it can do a wondrous work in and with me. If one wants to be dressed properly, attractively, or more fashionably then one must strip off the old clothing in preparation for the new items to come. So that's what I do with the writing of this blog. I lay myself bare so there are no hiding spots left, because of course I can't hide from God.
Though one can't hide from God, one can certainly be stuck on stupid. When that happens, God is not going to be lowered to my level of understanding. Instead, I have to be open to receiving new understanding so I can rise up to God's level eventually and permanently. And sometimes that looks like confessing my stupidity.
So now you probably want to know what I am talking about. Is Joe going to confess she needs to diet? Nope, my relationship with my body is good. I have climbed mountains, literally and figuratively, ran marathons, survived cancer, and given birth to four healthy babies, all with this body. I like and appreciate my thickness right now. Is this where she confesses to hidden debt? Nope, my debt is the same, mortgages, IRS, avenues of entertainment through AT&T U-verse, Apple, Netflix, theaters, and access to food & utilities.
I'm deeply in love with my life, my husband, kids, and animals. I am still living my dreams of traveling, attending Harvard Extension School, being a published writer and spiritual life coach. I actually have two exciting speaking engagements coming up. Trust me, it's God, not me. Remember I'm stuck on stupid. I themed this blog S. O. S., because I need help.
I've held you in suspense long enough. What is the really big thing I am working on that I need Holy Ghost intervention for? I want to become a Billionaire. There, I put it out there. I love being a kept woman of leisure. But in this lifetime, I want my name, my skills, my gifts, and my talents to earn me billions of dollars, and I have no idea how to make it happen.
Here's where I confess my stupid act. While downloading magazines from my library app for my NYC trip, I did not include the latest Forbes magazine with the headline, "Billionaires" on it in huge capital letters. Then I saw it again on all the newsstands I passed in the airport and on the streets of Manhattan and still I did not get it. Why does an avid reader avoid needed knowledge that I could easily read in minutes? I avoided the magazine because it scared me that much. You see, once I fully know, then there's no going back.
There it is, fear, fear of the unknown, fear of failure, and sadly fear of greatness. I confess that it scares me to want this, and I want it badly. I believe I could be even more shunned by people, friends and relatives. I must confess I have subscribed to the "Mo money, Mo problems" philosophy even though I know I am great at managing and solving problems. I don't trust myself not to ruin it all by being over generous or lacking proper management skills. I even wonder if I can handle the distinctiveness of it all.
Yes, you heard me correctly, I sometimes fear standing apart from the pack. There is also a part of me that says, "wait, let your husband become a billionaire first." But I don't want to be a billionaire's wife; I Want To Be A Billionaire. I wonder how I am even going to fully conceive of it even in this Lean In, OWN, Thrive, and Run The World environment that I have been born into. Of course, Oprah Winfrey, Martha Stewart, Sheryl Sandberg, and J. K. Rowling are all my mentors from afar. Right now however, I need more than role models, I need God.
Another hip hop inspired philosophy that I subscribe to more, comes from Russell Simmons who says, "you breathe the same air the billionaires do." So I go to the source of all air with my plight. A quote from the TV series Roots, "Behold, the only thing greater than thyself," helps me to know and believe what I desire is possible in this lifetime. So bear witness to my latest dream and watch God work it out for me. Know that whatever your dreams are, God can handle them as well. First, you have to confess that you may not always know the right thing to do at the right time. And then when God tells you, shows you, or enables you to do it, take action, even if that means daring to sit in public reading yet another Forbes article about Billionaires. To do otherwise would be less than smart.
