Today is the day I decided to announce on my blog that my first book is "live." A book that took me over a decade to complete because my priorities have always been with my family. It took me a long time to learn to make myself a priority because I was naturally a giver. As I learned to give to myself first as every Mogul Mom must, I was actually able to finally complete and self-publish my book, Lights, Camera, Take Action. Yesterday my book arrived on my doorstep as I left to take my boys to karate. I sat waiting on them to complete their class for two hours resisting the urge to drive home, and rip open the package on my porch. Good thing I stayed put because my son's friends were not in class. My son usually hangs out with his friends after class while his friends wait on their dad who is in the next class with my teen. So instead he sat with me and talked to me for an hour about the book he is reading.
I came home and immediately got busy with dinner. When the bellies were full, the dishes loaded in the dishwasher, and the dogs let outside, I sat down to inspect the first copy of my book. My book, my first book, my creation that is not a kid. It was beyond surreal. After looking it over, I talked to my teen for an hour while he gave me my first interview about my book. He wanted to know how I did it from start to finish. I guess all those days I sat at my computer to write didn't resonate until he saw the finished product. He said he wanted to write his own book. I showed him the parts of the book he inspired. I showed him his dedication, and he smiled. I beamed with pride . . . for myself and this wonderful life I have created. I sent pictures to my hubby, my daughter, and to son #1 and they were all excited for me.
Tomorrow I share my finished product with my women writers group. Today is when I decided to share it with my small platform of readers, the original public fan base of my writing. Today of all days I decide to share proof of my knowledge with the world. As you may already know, Dr. Maya Angelou passed away today. To say she was an inspiration is to say the sun is bright. It goes without saying. America knew and loved Maya Angelou, a woman of humble beginnings, a survivor of childhood horrors, a warrior woman who fought for civil rights alongside fellow great leaders, and a daughter/sister/mother/friend who just so happened to have used words to heal herself and the world as much as any human could.
As I write this blog, I am listening to Alicia Keys song, Caged Bird on repeat. "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" too . . . because it must in order to know freedom. Maya Angelou said, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." Thanks to Maya Angelou and her courage, here I sit in her birth city of St. Louis declaring to the world today, that I am no longer in agony, I am free. I Am A Writer.
Maya, Maya, Maya, Maya . . . Thank you.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
"Sometimes It Snows In April"
My latest blog title is actually a song by Prince. Twice it has applied to the weather in my recollection of life in the Midwest. It's actually about the death of a friend so of course it has always touched me deeply. My best friend indulged my love of Prince's music by watching Under the Cherry Moon with me too many times. Thank God for Tender Mercies.
I have never been one to critique the work of Mother Nature. Whether it is cold, hot, windy, rainy, or freezing in Chicago, we just dealt with it. So as climate change puts a damper on any plans to store my winter gear, I press on with high spirits. Showtime has a new series about climate change entitled, Years of Living Dangerously. I joined my movie Meetup group for a Friday flick and saw a preview. It looked fascinating. At the end of the preview a man yelled out, "I'm glad I don't have Showtime." WTF?
Today is the one year anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombing. Boston Strong is a permanent part of our vernacular. Fear is so un-American so of course one of our nation's early cities presses on valiantly. Events in Boston acted as the genesis of America back in the 1700's, one an act of violence which is known as the Boston Massacre, and the other an act of solidarity known as the Boston Tea Party. Though Spring is running late, there are new births happening all around us. Runners who last year ran the race on legs they were born with will run on man-made legs this year. Awesome!
While I am a big supporter of Nene Leakes and her efforts to capitalize on being the best Housewife of all the reality shows out there. I am rooting for Amy Purdy to win Dancing With The Stars. Both ladies had me in tears last night watching the Disney themed show. No matter what the doubters say, you are doing a great job of adjusting to your own need for climate change ABC. My kids and I loved the show last night. The Let It Go performance got all tens. Damn right it did!
Speaking of things my kids and I loved. We stayed up late last night watching How the West Was Won waiting on the Blood Moon to complete its performance. We went outside at 1am, tried to make a fire to no avail, wrapped up in blankets, and watched the first hour of the Lunar Eclipse. We came back inside and got up every thirty minutes to watch the moon appear to turn red. It was beautiful. I even got back up at 4am to make sure all was well as the Earth's shadow slowly faded away. CNN has a nice 1 minute video of the 3 hour event. While there check the schedule or view clips for another interesting documentary, Chicagoland. "Just hold on [Chicago], I'm coming home soon."
Well it is time for this Mogul Mom to get back to work. On the list for today:
- Blog
- Balance checkbook
- 5 mile run
- Grocery shopping
- Manuscript editing
- Karate class for boys
- Read library books
- Dinner
- TV
- Bed
One thing done . . . nine more to go.
Take care of you,
Mogul Mom Joe
Saturday, March 29, 2014
[Vodka] Diaries
What is a Mogul Mom to do for entertainment these days? I turn to the sensation that so many fan boys before me appreciated from its genesis onto the screen, Game of Thrones. Distraction has always been a suitable way to deal with one's time between projects, events, and significant routines. Game of Thrones is an excellent form of entertainment inside the house. Of course a good life coach would pass on any lessons gleaned. Game of Thrones does the best job ever of teaching one to grow where one is planted. Whether it is downtime, transition time, or my favorite, 'take action' time, strength of spirit, mind, character, and resources must always be maintained.
Outside the house, I am entertained by my search for friendship. It has proven a worthy quest. I have been reminded of a younger version of myself. A person who was smart, noble, and cute enough to get this Mogul Mom to higher ground. By putting myself out there I have rewarded her for hard work and service done without complaint or compromise. And now she dances without having to watch her back or her backside against trespassers with vodka as her only ride along. "The cold never bothered [her] anyway" however, coldness is not fun. Vodka is a great solution to both.
If there are moguls in training reading this, my last bit of advice follows:
The Purple Reign continues . . .
Take care of you.
If there are moguls in training reading this, my last bit of advice follows:
- Save your drinking days for when you can pay cash for your own libation. Your mind will stay sharp.
- Make good use of your bus pass or walking shoes until you can drive away from the valet stand in your fully paid for vehicle. Your body will stay tight.
- Continue to do the right thing no matter how easy it is not to. This trait will bring the best people your way for years to come. Your heart will stay open.
- Last but not least, moisturize and stay out of the sun so you can still look as cute enough as you did in your twenties. When climbing a mountain, sun protection is most important the nearer one gets to the top; make it a habit now. Your spirit will soar from all the compliments.
The Purple Reign continues . . .
Take care of you.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
. . . "the cold never bothered me anyway."
I read a quote that said, "Contentment is wanting what you have." I thought how excellent that definition is. Since reading it my hubby and I have a new saying, "use what you have." We have begun tackling our various Spring projects now that the Midwest is all thawed out, and we are trying to make use of the things we have rather than going out and buying something new. So far so good.
February wrapped up quite nicely. I attended the Black Enterprise Women of Power Summit. It was very educational. I am still making changes to my manuscript. Staring at a computer screen is now my least favorite thing to do . . . ever. How that will work for my Summer class, which is online, is beyond me, but I press on.
At the Women of Power Summit, I heard legendary and inspirational speakers that have added necessary fuel to my dream rocket. I went to the spa and overheard the receptionist say that Suze Orman and K. T. (her wife) were on their way in for services. I had a fan attack for about 5 minutes and decided not to hover waiting for a chance to meet her again. Yes, on two other occasions I was blessed to have an energy exchange with Suze Orman. My decision not to fan out was based in my desire to avoid seeming greedy to The Universe. "Let someone else have that awesome moment" I said to myself.
I managed to make friends while at the conference which supported the goals I set for myself last time I wrote. My new friend actually got to see Suze when she checked in. See it worked out.
Yes, my friend quest marches on. The website, Girlfriend Social is just okay for making introductions with new potential friends. So far, I have only had consistent conversation with one other person. She is funny and refreshing to chat with. We have plans to finally meet in May when I am home in Chicago for my 10 mile run.
Speaking of visits to Chicago, the reason I decided not to be a greedy fan is because at a charity dinner earlier in the month I met two of my financial heroes already. John Rogers and Melody Hobson run Ariel Investments, a Chicago firm in charge of billions of investors' dollars. Mr. Rogers received award recognition from The Chicago Bulls Charity organization at a dinner held on the floor of the United Center. It was a nice night. I also got to introduce myself to Scottie Pippen. He was so nice and gracious as was Ms. Hobson (aka Mrs. Lucas) and Mr. Rogers when I went up to them and introduced myself.
This Mogul Mom is definitely blessed to be spoon-fed by God all the dreams I can handle. However, there is something about contentment that I cannot describe. The Constant Craving (great song btw) that is part of every human has somehow been satiated within me.
When I first moved to Missouri, my kids and I had a motto for our moments of calm. We were officially out of the rat race of life as well as the hustle and bustle of city transit and traffic, and we were loving it big time. Our motto was il dolce far niente. It means, "how lovely to do nothing." We first learned it from watching the movie Houseboat with my favorite actor, Cary Grant years prior. Now we knew its meaning.
I have time to hang out with my family, write, teach, and read at my leisure. It is beyond lovely. I wish this peace for everyone who reads this. I finished the book I was reading about the search for friendship. It was a decent read after all. The writer was aware of her insecurities and her own flaws as a friend. It gave me great awareness. It also introduced me to Meetup.com. A place for people with common interest to find each other on the internet and make plans to get together. So far, I have joined 3 Meetup groups, one for women writers, one for pure socializing in the city, and one for networking with real estate investors.
I have only gone to one Meetup, and it was just what I needed. Maybe that is why I am experiencing an overabundance of contentment. I met with 4 other women in a coffee shop to discuss our writing. Is this Joe heaven or what? No that would be found on Harvard campus for me, but this was close. A freelance writer, a playwright, a mystery novelist, and an Arts reviewer are now all potential friends. I am meeting next week with another writer who is not able to make our Meetup time. I also have two dates on my calendar to attend events with my social group. Yes, contentment is almost like heaven on earth.
My kids sat me down and made me watch the Oscar winning movie, Frozen. Am I glad they did. I have been listening to the Oscar winning song, "Let it Go" every day on repeat since the Oscars. It perfectly sums up my first quarter of living like a Queen in 2014. "Here I stand in the light of day" and the view from my mountaintop is Amazing!!!!
February wrapped up quite nicely. I attended the Black Enterprise Women of Power Summit. It was very educational. I am still making changes to my manuscript. Staring at a computer screen is now my least favorite thing to do . . . ever. How that will work for my Summer class, which is online, is beyond me, but I press on.
At the Women of Power Summit, I heard legendary and inspirational speakers that have added necessary fuel to my dream rocket. I went to the spa and overheard the receptionist say that Suze Orman and K. T. (her wife) were on their way in for services. I had a fan attack for about 5 minutes and decided not to hover waiting for a chance to meet her again. Yes, on two other occasions I was blessed to have an energy exchange with Suze Orman. My decision not to fan out was based in my desire to avoid seeming greedy to The Universe. "Let someone else have that awesome moment" I said to myself.
I managed to make friends while at the conference which supported the goals I set for myself last time I wrote. My new friend actually got to see Suze when she checked in. See it worked out.
Yes, my friend quest marches on. The website, Girlfriend Social is just okay for making introductions with new potential friends. So far, I have only had consistent conversation with one other person. She is funny and refreshing to chat with. We have plans to finally meet in May when I am home in Chicago for my 10 mile run.
Speaking of visits to Chicago, the reason I decided not to be a greedy fan is because at a charity dinner earlier in the month I met two of my financial heroes already. John Rogers and Melody Hobson run Ariel Investments, a Chicago firm in charge of billions of investors' dollars. Mr. Rogers received award recognition from The Chicago Bulls Charity organization at a dinner held on the floor of the United Center. It was a nice night. I also got to introduce myself to Scottie Pippen. He was so nice and gracious as was Ms. Hobson (aka Mrs. Lucas) and Mr. Rogers when I went up to them and introduced myself.
This Mogul Mom is definitely blessed to be spoon-fed by God all the dreams I can handle. However, there is something about contentment that I cannot describe. The Constant Craving (great song btw) that is part of every human has somehow been satiated within me.
When I first moved to Missouri, my kids and I had a motto for our moments of calm. We were officially out of the rat race of life as well as the hustle and bustle of city transit and traffic, and we were loving it big time. Our motto was il dolce far niente. It means, "how lovely to do nothing." We first learned it from watching the movie Houseboat with my favorite actor, Cary Grant years prior. Now we knew its meaning.
I have time to hang out with my family, write, teach, and read at my leisure. It is beyond lovely. I wish this peace for everyone who reads this. I finished the book I was reading about the search for friendship. It was a decent read after all. The writer was aware of her insecurities and her own flaws as a friend. It gave me great awareness. It also introduced me to Meetup.com. A place for people with common interest to find each other on the internet and make plans to get together. So far, I have joined 3 Meetup groups, one for women writers, one for pure socializing in the city, and one for networking with real estate investors.
I have only gone to one Meetup, and it was just what I needed. Maybe that is why I am experiencing an overabundance of contentment. I met with 4 other women in a coffee shop to discuss our writing. Is this Joe heaven or what? No that would be found on Harvard campus for me, but this was close. A freelance writer, a playwright, a mystery novelist, and an Arts reviewer are now all potential friends. I am meeting next week with another writer who is not able to make our Meetup time. I also have two dates on my calendar to attend events with my social group. Yes, contentment is almost like heaven on earth.
My kids sat me down and made me watch the Oscar winning movie, Frozen. Am I glad they did. I have been listening to the Oscar winning song, "Let it Go" every day on repeat since the Oscars. It perfectly sums up my first quarter of living like a Queen in 2014. "Here I stand in the light of day" and the view from my mountaintop is Amazing!!!!
Saturday, February 8, 2014
BFF (Best Friend For Now)
I grew up in a huge family. My cousins and I were raised together like siblings. I was named after my aunt so everyone refers to me as Lil' Joe even my cousins who are younger than me. My mother is 1 of 10 kids. So birthday parties, fish fry Fridays, card games, reunions, church teas, Halloween parties, and big spreads for holidays and graduations were the norm. As a result, Lil' Joe is extremely social. I also make friends quickly. Being from the sign of Cancer makes me a moon child which translates to highly emotional. To say it in as few words as possible, I love hard. I feel everything deeply. Joy, pain, anger, and sadness are emotions that linger longer for me than someone else who may be of a different zodiac sign. When I make friends I make them for life. Now I aspire to make some 'for now' friendships.
At the age of almost 42, I find myself with a void in the friendship department. My research has taught me that this is normal for my age group. Relationships go through stages that require re-evaluation as life changes take place. Some of my friends are in new relationships or ending one, have new babies, have lost a parent, are creating new businesses or new careers. A few are flaky, shady, dysfunctional, and disloyal. None of these things matter for me as I am somehow great at handling multiple relationships at one time. I make every event I am invited to. I remember birthdays, anniversaries, and I love to celebrate major life changes. I manage people well because I am not judgmental, and I trust myself. My rule is that if I trust myself then I don't need to trust anyone else.
However, here I sit with a void. Well not really. I am just in need of some fresh new relationships. I recently read about an anthropologist named Robert Dunbar who believes the size of a one's brain determines the number of relationships one can maintain (that rhymed). Last year during a Lifeclass episode with Oprah and T. D. Jakes, the genius preacher said something so profound it sums up my present state. The show was about mending relationships. Oprah asked him when is it time to end a relationship to which he basically said that if you're a person with a ten gallon capacity hanging around people with a pint size capacity then the relationship won't last. It reminded me of something I heard him say at a conference on the same subject. He said, "If you're the smartest one in your group then it may be time for you to get a new group." I am in need of new groups.
A small minded person would think I just called all my friends stupid, but that would not be your first thought if you knew me. I am magnificently brilliant. So at the very least my friends even the shady ones are interesting, smart, cute, and fun people. I am just all those things and then some. So I require more stimulation than the average Joe. I decided that in 2014 I would pursue some fresh friendships. I am not looking for a new best friend because I have had some great friendships in my life. I feel like if I went in search of a new, awesome, soul mate type of friendship then I would just be a greedy person. My best friend died in a car accident when we were 20, and we considered each other soul mates. If that was my only friendship then it would have been enough. It certainly has lasted despite her death. Everyday at 7:11, I look at the clock and know that she has just said hi to me whether it is morning or evening. She, like me, was a July Cancer. Her birthday was July 11th.
My other best friend and I have been friends for almost thirty years. I have another friendship that was formed in the womb. Our mothers were friends as kids and got pregnant during the same time so we were always thrown together as friends throughout the years. My friends from life coach school and I have been besties for 13+ years now. I made friends at work and am still friends with at least two former co-workers that accounts for a 14 year friendship and a 20 year friendship; she just became a new grandmother, talk about life changes. I have a friend that I met when we were both soccer moms rooting for our boys who were the star players on the same team. That friendship has endured for 9 years now. She met her soul mate online, got married, and moved to a new town to create a great new life. I have more than my share of great friendships. Maybe I am greedy and spoiled. I just want someone to get together with socially on a regular basis. We don't have to complete each other.
On that note, there is always my hubby. Who is truly my best friend and soul mate. Then I have my awesome kids. Another one of my rules is that women should not give birth to their friends. So while I can hang with my kids, and we have great laughs and great times, they are not my friends. I was blessed with two younger sisters and we are friends. But those relationships have changed as well. I remember back in the day there was a TV show called Sisters that we never missed. The thing is I have always been a caretaker for my sisters. I have recently learned that everyone is more comfortable with me being in the caretaker role more than in the friend role. Sometimes I need a friend who can take care of my needs whether it is a need to vent and whine, get drunk and party, or travel and go on adventures with. Trying to do this with my sisters almost went into the same realm as if I were kickin' it with my kids. For some people in my life, I do not have the luxury of showing weakness. So while everyone is in transition mode, I am going to the movies alone, watching The Housewives alone, and sitting outside of karate alone.
My hubby has his golf group, his brothers are all older so he can lean on them if needed, and he talks to his business partners everyday for work ideas and projects. When you're a stay at home mom going through the same school lessons for the fifth time, it can become a bit un-stimulating. Writers keep conversations going all the time in their heads. I need to get out of my own head for stimulation. On laundry day, I pass the time by getting into some great debates with strangers in online message boards about current events, but I desire something more. I want more social friendships. Maybe I am meant to become a socialite.
So here I am in 2014 on a mission to get in some friendship dating by putting myself out there. I go to charity events, workout classes, and kid activities trying to bond or click with other women and moms. But nothing has stuck. I went to see Beyonce' with my trainer, and we are becoming friends, but time does not allow for development of a social connection. I went to Vegas to see Maroon 5 with my massage therapist, but we are now in two different cities. I used to have a weekly appointment with an awesome hair stylist that I considered a friend for 8 years, but now that my hair has fallen out from thyroid issues, I haven't reached out socially. I was even good friends with my nanny back in the day, but she got married and the relationship changed. Making and keeping friends is easy but getting together regularly, not so much.
Relationships change and people's priorities adjust because of it. So what is a girl to do specifically to find friends? I went in search of a friendship dating service and I found one, GirlfriendSocial.com to be exact. A women only, for friendship purposes only website for finding a new friend anywhere in the world. On top of that, I also found a new book to read called, MWF seeking BFF. It is a quirky book about a woman seeking friendship in Chicago. She goes on 52 friendship dates to find the one. She meets up with someone from work, book clubs, workout classes, or recommended by other friends every week for a year. She got enough material for a book so it goes without saying that my blogging may get busier while I am friendship dating.
So far I have reached out to other friend seekers from St. Louis, Chicago, and London (which I am considering moving to within the next ten years). The website is free and run by volunteers. I am considering becoming a guest blogger on their website as well as an event host. I would coordinate gatherings for the ladies from the site to get together to fill that social void. No networking, strictly platonic, safe friendship dating. We all know I can throw an awesome party in my sleep. So exciting times ahead for this Mogul Mom.
I will wrap with a recap of my January. I was off to Harvard for a writing class that I needed to matriculate as a degree candidate. I braved the east coast weather and travel dramas for 3 weeks, wrote two great essays, and made friends. We laughed everyday in class. It was awesome. The teacher who was equally brilliant, awesome, and fun had us tell the story of our name as an ice breaker. By the end of our first week of ice breaking, everyone was calling me Lil' Joe. Meeting with them everyday brought back memories of the good times I used to have with my employees in my café everyday. Maybe this is what sparked my friendship search. I desire to have a group of friends that I see regularly for common interest that I can laugh with, share dramas with, and enjoy the things that make life worth living.
We finished up the last day of class by meeting at a bar called John Harvard Brew House. The bar had delicious food (shepherd's pie and bread pudding omg!), top shelf drinks that were not watered down for those 21 and over, and more laughs. I am convinced that one classmate will be my daughter in law one day. Another was a former marine back home from Afghanistan getting a degree, a med student from Korea, some highly adept computer hackers tackling Harvard's educational system, another Korean student whose dad was teaching at Harvard, an MIT employee, and a cool lady who works in the emergency room and already has her Master's degree by way of a portfolio application. She just wants to get her bachelor's to complete her degrees list.
I found my college bar in Boston and everyone knew my name like an episode of Cheers. I was definitely not the smartest one in this group and it was awesome. However, the group confessed that they all agreed if anyone would get an 'A' in class it was going to be Lil' Joe. Of course I got a well earned 'A'. I had to tear myself away from the good libation, delicious food, and awesome conversation so I could catch my plane and get back home to my first priority which is my family, but we had fun while it lasted. A few of us are going to try to get in the same class together for the summer session.
Despite the weather, my January was as sunny as can be. My only resolution is to create some fresh new friendships. I need a workout buddy, a brunch buddy, a fellow TV and pop culture junkie to gab with, a mom friend, and my husband and I need a new couple friendship. I am speed reading through this book because the writer has too many insecurities to be interesting. I just want to see how it ends and get some friendship dating ideas. I may start an investment club or a book club. The website is going to be great for my career if it affords me the chance to practice my writing and speaking skills should I volunteer to blog or host events. So far, I have started conversing with two potential friends. I will keep chatting online for about 3 months before I get together with anyone.
I will hopefully have new pictures and articles to post from some great February events that are on my calendar. Until then . . .
Take care of you.
At the age of almost 42, I find myself with a void in the friendship department. My research has taught me that this is normal for my age group. Relationships go through stages that require re-evaluation as life changes take place. Some of my friends are in new relationships or ending one, have new babies, have lost a parent, are creating new businesses or new careers. A few are flaky, shady, dysfunctional, and disloyal. None of these things matter for me as I am somehow great at handling multiple relationships at one time. I make every event I am invited to. I remember birthdays, anniversaries, and I love to celebrate major life changes. I manage people well because I am not judgmental, and I trust myself. My rule is that if I trust myself then I don't need to trust anyone else.
However, here I sit with a void. Well not really. I am just in need of some fresh new relationships. I recently read about an anthropologist named Robert Dunbar who believes the size of a one's brain determines the number of relationships one can maintain (that rhymed). Last year during a Lifeclass episode with Oprah and T. D. Jakes, the genius preacher said something so profound it sums up my present state. The show was about mending relationships. Oprah asked him when is it time to end a relationship to which he basically said that if you're a person with a ten gallon capacity hanging around people with a pint size capacity then the relationship won't last. It reminded me of something I heard him say at a conference on the same subject. He said, "If you're the smartest one in your group then it may be time for you to get a new group." I am in need of new groups.
A small minded person would think I just called all my friends stupid, but that would not be your first thought if you knew me. I am magnificently brilliant. So at the very least my friends even the shady ones are interesting, smart, cute, and fun people. I am just all those things and then some. So I require more stimulation than the average Joe. I decided that in 2014 I would pursue some fresh friendships. I am not looking for a new best friend because I have had some great friendships in my life. I feel like if I went in search of a new, awesome, soul mate type of friendship then I would just be a greedy person. My best friend died in a car accident when we were 20, and we considered each other soul mates. If that was my only friendship then it would have been enough. It certainly has lasted despite her death. Everyday at 7:11, I look at the clock and know that she has just said hi to me whether it is morning or evening. She, like me, was a July Cancer. Her birthday was July 11th.
My other best friend and I have been friends for almost thirty years. I have another friendship that was formed in the womb. Our mothers were friends as kids and got pregnant during the same time so we were always thrown together as friends throughout the years. My friends from life coach school and I have been besties for 13+ years now. I made friends at work and am still friends with at least two former co-workers that accounts for a 14 year friendship and a 20 year friendship; she just became a new grandmother, talk about life changes. I have a friend that I met when we were both soccer moms rooting for our boys who were the star players on the same team. That friendship has endured for 9 years now. She met her soul mate online, got married, and moved to a new town to create a great new life. I have more than my share of great friendships. Maybe I am greedy and spoiled. I just want someone to get together with socially on a regular basis. We don't have to complete each other.
On that note, there is always my hubby. Who is truly my best friend and soul mate. Then I have my awesome kids. Another one of my rules is that women should not give birth to their friends. So while I can hang with my kids, and we have great laughs and great times, they are not my friends. I was blessed with two younger sisters and we are friends. But those relationships have changed as well. I remember back in the day there was a TV show called Sisters that we never missed. The thing is I have always been a caretaker for my sisters. I have recently learned that everyone is more comfortable with me being in the caretaker role more than in the friend role. Sometimes I need a friend who can take care of my needs whether it is a need to vent and whine, get drunk and party, or travel and go on adventures with. Trying to do this with my sisters almost went into the same realm as if I were kickin' it with my kids. For some people in my life, I do not have the luxury of showing weakness. So while everyone is in transition mode, I am going to the movies alone, watching The Housewives alone, and sitting outside of karate alone.
My hubby has his golf group, his brothers are all older so he can lean on them if needed, and he talks to his business partners everyday for work ideas and projects. When you're a stay at home mom going through the same school lessons for the fifth time, it can become a bit un-stimulating. Writers keep conversations going all the time in their heads. I need to get out of my own head for stimulation. On laundry day, I pass the time by getting into some great debates with strangers in online message boards about current events, but I desire something more. I want more social friendships. Maybe I am meant to become a socialite.
So here I am in 2014 on a mission to get in some friendship dating by putting myself out there. I go to charity events, workout classes, and kid activities trying to bond or click with other women and moms. But nothing has stuck. I went to see Beyonce' with my trainer, and we are becoming friends, but time does not allow for development of a social connection. I went to Vegas to see Maroon 5 with my massage therapist, but we are now in two different cities. I used to have a weekly appointment with an awesome hair stylist that I considered a friend for 8 years, but now that my hair has fallen out from thyroid issues, I haven't reached out socially. I was even good friends with my nanny back in the day, but she got married and the relationship changed. Making and keeping friends is easy but getting together regularly, not so much.
Relationships change and people's priorities adjust because of it. So what is a girl to do specifically to find friends? I went in search of a friendship dating service and I found one, GirlfriendSocial.com to be exact. A women only, for friendship purposes only website for finding a new friend anywhere in the world. On top of that, I also found a new book to read called, MWF seeking BFF. It is a quirky book about a woman seeking friendship in Chicago. She goes on 52 friendship dates to find the one. She meets up with someone from work, book clubs, workout classes, or recommended by other friends every week for a year. She got enough material for a book so it goes without saying that my blogging may get busier while I am friendship dating.
So far I have reached out to other friend seekers from St. Louis, Chicago, and London (which I am considering moving to within the next ten years). The website is free and run by volunteers. I am considering becoming a guest blogger on their website as well as an event host. I would coordinate gatherings for the ladies from the site to get together to fill that social void. No networking, strictly platonic, safe friendship dating. We all know I can throw an awesome party in my sleep. So exciting times ahead for this Mogul Mom.
I will wrap with a recap of my January. I was off to Harvard for a writing class that I needed to matriculate as a degree candidate. I braved the east coast weather and travel dramas for 3 weeks, wrote two great essays, and made friends. We laughed everyday in class. It was awesome. The teacher who was equally brilliant, awesome, and fun had us tell the story of our name as an ice breaker. By the end of our first week of ice breaking, everyone was calling me Lil' Joe. Meeting with them everyday brought back memories of the good times I used to have with my employees in my café everyday. Maybe this is what sparked my friendship search. I desire to have a group of friends that I see regularly for common interest that I can laugh with, share dramas with, and enjoy the things that make life worth living.
We finished up the last day of class by meeting at a bar called John Harvard Brew House. The bar had delicious food (shepherd's pie and bread pudding omg!), top shelf drinks that were not watered down for those 21 and over, and more laughs. I am convinced that one classmate will be my daughter in law one day. Another was a former marine back home from Afghanistan getting a degree, a med student from Korea, some highly adept computer hackers tackling Harvard's educational system, another Korean student whose dad was teaching at Harvard, an MIT employee, and a cool lady who works in the emergency room and already has her Master's degree by way of a portfolio application. She just wants to get her bachelor's to complete her degrees list.
I found my college bar in Boston and everyone knew my name like an episode of Cheers. I was definitely not the smartest one in this group and it was awesome. However, the group confessed that they all agreed if anyone would get an 'A' in class it was going to be Lil' Joe. Of course I got a well earned 'A'. I had to tear myself away from the good libation, delicious food, and awesome conversation so I could catch my plane and get back home to my first priority which is my family, but we had fun while it lasted. A few of us are going to try to get in the same class together for the summer session.
Despite the weather, my January was as sunny as can be. My only resolution is to create some fresh new friendships. I need a workout buddy, a brunch buddy, a fellow TV and pop culture junkie to gab with, a mom friend, and my husband and I need a new couple friendship. I am speed reading through this book because the writer has too many insecurities to be interesting. I just want to see how it ends and get some friendship dating ideas. I may start an investment club or a book club. The website is going to be great for my career if it affords me the chance to practice my writing and speaking skills should I volunteer to blog or host events. So far, I have started conversing with two potential friends. I will keep chatting online for about 3 months before I get together with anyone.
I will hopefully have new pictures and articles to post from some great February events that are on my calendar. Until then . . .
Take care of you.
Friday, January 3, 2014
Black Girls Rock!
So I wrapped up 2013 with the usual suspects for the holiday (my tribe). Thanksgiving dinner lasted for about ten minutes after it took me 2 days to cook all the recipes I wanted to try. I did manage to get up on Thanksgiving morning and get in a 5k Turkey Trot. I set a goal to beat my last 5k time of 41 minutes. I also had a goal to run the whole 3 miles without needing a walking break. I ran the whole way but finished at about 43 minutes.
December found me with my usual holiday blues as I am on the outs with my relatives . . . maybe. During the holidays I especially mourn my losses as the New Year approaches. The first song on my holiday playlist is always by Prince of course. His song, Another Lonely Christmas makes me think of my deceased best friend Tarsha.
Well one day while I was praying and meditating, I asked God to send me comfort and he answered my prayer. The two days a week of church and spiritual service were helping but they were just not putting me over the edge back into bliss land until the answered prayer came in the form of Beyoncé's new visual album . . . OMG!!!!
My daughter, who keeps me flyer than I would normally be, alerted me on Thursday night that the album was dropping that Friday morning. But for some reason the joy of such news did not push past my fog until Friday after meditation.
The best money I have ever spent has been on some form of a Beyonce' product. She makes me happy to be a black girl in America. I reclaim my lost childhood when I dance around in my underwear pretending I am Mrs. Carter on stage in her leotards.
Well this album not only soothed my hurt soul, it sparked action and that is what this life coach loves most. I went to Stub Hub and bought 4 tickets to the Mrs. Carter concert which was rolling through St. Louis that Saturday, how divinely timely.
So I listened to her new album on repeat all day in between watching her videos which were a huge bonus that I would have gladly paid extra for. I got 4 tickets for my daughter and me; and then I invited my trainer, and my daughter invited a classmate.
This made for the 3rd Beyonce' concert for this Mogul Mom this year, and I enjoyed it as if it was my first. Mrs. Carter is indeed flawless in her performance. BTW, Flawless is the name of one of her new songs that feature the heavily critiqued lyrics, "Bow Down Bitches." Turns out that is just one line is a superbly perfect song aka Flawless.
So the breakdown of her album goes like this for me. This album celebrates a grown up and happily married Beyonce' Carter, mommy to Blue Ivy. Do not listen if you have delicate sensibilities; it is for grown women who will appreciate Beyonce' sharing her vulnerabilities and strengths so we Mogul Moms do not feel the full brunt of, "Another Lonely Christmas."
I wrote a whole review of the visual album on post its to put up on this blog; but I don't have time for all that, just trust me, it is awesome. My favorite song is Drunk In Love. Which prompted me to get drunk after the concert at home in my kitchen while I continued my own personal Beyonce' concert and dance session (yep in my underwear). I was the driver for the night so at the concert I could not indulge. I certainly made up for it with Grey Goose, drunk emails to my sisters, and sexy texts to my hubby.
Her song, Heaven just picked up where Prince left off and actually helped me to go ahead and get over the edge of mourning the loss of my best friend. Her line, "heaven couldn't wait for you" summed up the hole in my heart perfectly.
The last song I will mention is entitled Blue named for her baby girl hence the particular color of this font. It is a perfect love song from a mother to her child. My own baby girl said the concert was the best night of her life. She and her friend were hand picked to go to the front of the stage to populate the Beyhive. I saw her up on the giant screens 3x holding hands with the Queen Bey herself.
I, like Beyonce', live this life to make it better for my baby girl and then to relive it through her happy eyes is the bonus I get for doing a great job.
My baby girl is 20; my best friend was 20 when she died; and I have spent 20 lonely Christmases crying in my kitchen in between holiday hits. This year, my tears will be more joy than sorrow coupled with the release that comes with freedom. I cry tears of joy for a life well lived, my daughter's and mine despite heartache, tragedy, and setbacks.
2013 was my lucky year.
In 2014, you will find this Mogul Mom enjoying her life as a proper Queen.
Bow down indeed.
December found me with my usual holiday blues as I am on the outs with my relatives . . . maybe. During the holidays I especially mourn my losses as the New Year approaches. The first song on my holiday playlist is always by Prince of course. His song, Another Lonely Christmas makes me think of my deceased best friend Tarsha.
Well one day while I was praying and meditating, I asked God to send me comfort and he answered my prayer. The two days a week of church and spiritual service were helping but they were just not putting me over the edge back into bliss land until the answered prayer came in the form of Beyoncé's new visual album . . . OMG!!!!
My daughter, who keeps me flyer than I would normally be, alerted me on Thursday night that the album was dropping that Friday morning. But for some reason the joy of such news did not push past my fog until Friday after meditation.
The best money I have ever spent has been on some form of a Beyonce' product. She makes me happy to be a black girl in America. I reclaim my lost childhood when I dance around in my underwear pretending I am Mrs. Carter on stage in her leotards.
Well this album not only soothed my hurt soul, it sparked action and that is what this life coach loves most. I went to Stub Hub and bought 4 tickets to the Mrs. Carter concert which was rolling through St. Louis that Saturday, how divinely timely.
So I listened to her new album on repeat all day in between watching her videos which were a huge bonus that I would have gladly paid extra for. I got 4 tickets for my daughter and me; and then I invited my trainer, and my daughter invited a classmate.
This made for the 3rd Beyonce' concert for this Mogul Mom this year, and I enjoyed it as if it was my first. Mrs. Carter is indeed flawless in her performance. BTW, Flawless is the name of one of her new songs that feature the heavily critiqued lyrics, "Bow Down Bitches." Turns out that is just one line is a superbly perfect song aka Flawless.
So the breakdown of her album goes like this for me. This album celebrates a grown up and happily married Beyonce' Carter, mommy to Blue Ivy. Do not listen if you have delicate sensibilities; it is for grown women who will appreciate Beyonce' sharing her vulnerabilities and strengths so we Mogul Moms do not feel the full brunt of, "Another Lonely Christmas."
I wrote a whole review of the visual album on post its to put up on this blog; but I don't have time for all that, just trust me, it is awesome. My favorite song is Drunk In Love. Which prompted me to get drunk after the concert at home in my kitchen while I continued my own personal Beyonce' concert and dance session (yep in my underwear). I was the driver for the night so at the concert I could not indulge. I certainly made up for it with Grey Goose, drunk emails to my sisters, and sexy texts to my hubby.
Her song, Heaven just picked up where Prince left off and actually helped me to go ahead and get over the edge of mourning the loss of my best friend. Her line, "heaven couldn't wait for you" summed up the hole in my heart perfectly.
The last song I will mention is entitled Blue named for her baby girl hence the particular color of this font. It is a perfect love song from a mother to her child. My own baby girl said the concert was the best night of her life. She and her friend were hand picked to go to the front of the stage to populate the Beyhive. I saw her up on the giant screens 3x holding hands with the Queen Bey herself.
I, like Beyonce', live this life to make it better for my baby girl and then to relive it through her happy eyes is the bonus I get for doing a great job.
My baby girl is 20; my best friend was 20 when she died; and I have spent 20 lonely Christmases crying in my kitchen in between holiday hits. This year, my tears will be more joy than sorrow coupled with the release that comes with freedom. I cry tears of joy for a life well lived, my daughter's and mine despite heartache, tragedy, and setbacks.
2013 was my lucky year.
In 2014, you will find this Mogul Mom enjoying her life as a proper Queen.
Bow down indeed.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
The Power Couple
I would be the first to admit that marriage is a motherfucker. It is actually the title of one of my infamous playlists. (For those that don't know, I create playlist to deal with stress). But all in all, I must admit marriage is a blessing. Anyone who has been in business, worked on a team at their place of employment, or possibly was broken off into groups in a school setting to work together as a team, will appreciate my points. Marriage may be a motherfucker, but it is definitely a partnership. Imagine an institution designed so you will never be alone, have financial perks and tax breaks, and you get to have sex with a person whenever you want. Uh, pump those brakes. You did read that correctly. Marriage is a motherfucker. Though it may appear to have been designed this way, marriage is hardly any of these things.
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| Joe's 35th Birthday Party . . . on a boat.
Marriage is some of the hardest work you will ever have to do in this lifetime besides working on oneself. This is the reason why it is even more important that you have worked out most of your issues before getting married. Once you are part of a team for life then your issues get multiplied by 2 simply because you have to consider another person. Don't get me started on parenthood. That will be for another blog at another time.
Tyler Perry made a movie entitled, "Why Did I Get Married." I suggest everyone asks themselves this question before the nuptials, "Why am I getting married?" I do believe most people get married for love and then upon realizing that love is not enough they try to figure things out within the dynamics of the marriage. When I got married, I definitely loved Gregory and wanted to be with him. However, we were already living together and had a kid at the time so it is not as if either of us were leaving the other's life anytime soon. The reason I got married was because I wanted to go to Vegas.
Yep, you heard me. Greg and I had a big fight a week before we got married. I was telling him that I wanted us to get on the same page in the relationship. I wanted to know what the plan was for our future together. I am a planner and he is not. When I wake up in the morning I know exactly what I am going to do for the day. When Greg wakes up in the morning he makes up his day as he goes along. After the argument, he bought a ring from a pawn shop; called my dad and got his blessing, and then asked me if I wanted to go to Vegas to get married. I admit that I stopped listening to him after the word Vegas.
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In Gregory's mind, he was solving the problem. In my mind, I was probably planning to hit it big in Vegas and then move out. The same issues we had before we got married, we had after we got married. The trip and the planning of it just seemed to have put the argument on hold. Sure enough, we resumed said argument in the airport in Vegas on the way back home. I told Gregory that as soon as I got home I was getting an annulment (This was not the last of our airport telenovelas).
We have been together 19 years and we still have the same argument from that day. I ask him, "Are we decorating for Christmas?" "Are we going to stay home or travel for the holidays?" "Who do you want to send gifts to for business or family?" I ask these questions because I am a planner and a budgeter. I budget my money and my time. His response is, "I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead." Later that day, my son brings in the mail and there is a postcard from a company that will string your lights on the house for you. Greg calls the company; they come out the next day, and there the decision is made that we are staying home for the holidays. The decorations are done . . . in his mind. In my mind, the conversation has not yet been had.
And this folks is what goes on in marriages all across the land: two conversations, two plans, and two very different ways of doing things. There was a time when my feelings would have been hurt because the conversation was left unfinished. I would have felt discounted and unheard. Today that will not be the case. Today if he goes ahead and spends that money on the lights, and we do finish the conversation, and together decide not to stay home then so be it. If I decide I want to travel and he decides he does not then so be it. Today we know that we could even spend Christmas apart from each other, and we would be fine. Back in the day however, I would have sworn he didn't love me, and I wasn't a priority. We have learned over almost two decades of partnership that my issues are not his, and his issues are not mine.
The thing to note is that marriage is more of a merger than a partnership. 50/50 is not going to cut it for marriage. What would be the point? Two halves joining forces to make a whole is no guarantee of success. The reason is this. Under this framework, if I am having an off day and he is having an off day at the same time, which happens, then we may wind up with 50% energy and effort. Well hell, I can be alone and give my own life 50% energy. Now this may not matter when it comes to dirty dishes in the sink, but when you are a saver and she is a spender, it will matter big time should you join your monies.
Under the merger dynamic, the goal is to bring together two thriving conglomerates in order to create a super power. No one should get married if he or she is not strong in mind, body, and spirit. You would be better off staying single. Why ruin two lives?
Tyler Perry made another movie entitled, "I Can Do Bad by Myself." I definitely subscribe to this philosophy. Early in my marriage, I think I left Gregory every October and went back home to my mom's place. Every October like clockwork as the end of the year approached, I surmised that I needed my life to have meaning and depth. If I felt like we as a couple were in rut, I left said rut and bolted for the door. Hell, I could be stale and boring alone, and I always learned that it was me being stale and boring in my own life. There was even one year when we almost did not make it back for the rebuild, and divorce was eminent. Yet rebuild we did to become stronger than ever until we weren't.
Last year cooking for Thanksgiving listening to Tamar Braxton's song, "Love and War," I cried all kinds of tears into the mashed potatoes. By Christmas, I decided we should get a divorce to which Gregory replied, "Okay." He said, "you are always trying to leave me so okay." He took the kids to the weekend house, and I was home alone with myself. It didn't take long before we were texting and calling each other. Sitting at home in complete silence of course led me to the Internet. It was there that I dealt with the frustration I was having that I blamed on my marriage.
The truth was that I had felt small knots on my neck and worried that some form of cancer was coming back. I have no thyroid so it couldn't be thyroid cancer again. On the Internet, I learned that lymphedema is common is cancer survivors so needless to say I was relieved because all signs pointed towards that. While on the Internet, I found out about the Mt. Shasta climb which I signed up for and completed this June. I learned that lymphedema is helped by massage. So not needing too much of a reason, I increased my monthly appointments to the Four Seasons Spa. After dealing with what was stressing me out, a few massages, and something exciting to look forward to, I was ready to be married again.
So here we are one year later more in love than ever. Marriage is still a motherfucker, but then again so is working out, house training two puppies (another blog another time), and driving in city traffic. The difference is within a marriage it is easier to blame the other person involved than it is to look at oneself and ask, "what's your problem."
I, unlike Oprah, have never had a problem with the famous line from Jerry Maguire, "you complete me." If you have learned like I learned over almost two decades, marriage can complete you. When I am not at 100%, my husband fills my gaps and makes me a whole person and then some. The key to a great marriage is to never allow yourself to fall below 80% as an individual because then the marriage merger suffers. I feel that if you are at 80% then you are a thriving individual in life. So if within the marriage both people stay above that line then at the very least we will be at 160%. Just a little bit more than one and a half person.
I, unlike Oprah, have never had a problem with the famous line from Jerry Maguire, "you complete me." If you have learned like I learned over almost two decades, marriage can complete you. When I am not at 100%, my husband fills my gaps and makes me a whole person and then some. The key to a great marriage is to never allow yourself to fall below 80% as an individual because then the marriage merger suffers. I feel that if you are at 80% then you are a thriving individual in life. So if within the marriage both people stay above that line then at the very least we will be at 160%. Just a little bit more than one and a half person.
A power couple consists of two people in the 90% range at all times. This looks like me being strong in mind, body, and spirit and so is my partner. This means I can go far alone, like say 11,100 feet up a mountain on the west coast. However being part of a power couple means that I will have help to limp through three airports, with two kids, and make it to my first day of summer classes on time on the east coast two days later. Which we did.
Later this month, we are traveling to Florida (boycott ended) for a wedding. I feel like I get the best of both worlds. I get to travel at holiday time and then I get to come back home and spend more holiday time chillin' with the family. More perks and benefits from a successful merger.
It will be a second try at marriage for the couple whose wedding we are attending. My prayer for them will be that as they come together for their second marriages they will do so as whole and secure individuals first. Doing so will make the union stronger for the long haul. I myself have learned this lesson from my 2nd, 3rd, 4th and now 17th marriage. I have just recreated wedded bliss with the same person over all these years.
Take care of you 1st!
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