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Hurt or Injured

When we are hurt in life there’s an opportunity to generate second emotions. It is those secondary emotions that lead to issues that we have to deal with in our every day lives. Injuries are easily evident. When I break my leg of course I have to see a doctor, get it repaired and possibly wear a cast and submit to physical therapy on a consistent basis to get back to full use of my leg.

Trauma in life happens all the time. Trauma can be defined as an event that shakes our foundation of wholeness. Issues on the other hand are equivalent to flies at a barbecue. We would prefer no flies at our picnic, but we know that when we choose to enjoy nature we sometimes have to endure the creatures of nature as well. So we adjust our ability to deal with nature. You may put on insect repellant, have covers for your food, or possibly enjoy nature at a different time of day than when the bugs are inclined to be around.

Trauma requires a different form of rehabilitation then dealing with your issues. Not that one is more serious than the other, they are just different, and it is important to know that. If you have experienced a life trauma then you may need a psychiatrist or a psychologist. However, if you have experienced a life setback or inconvenience then you may need a life coach. So to go back to our picnic analogy. If there is a boa constrictor loose in your backyard, you will call a different kind of pest control professional than if you had moles in your backyard. The same is true with other pests, if you have some bugs causing a problem then you may still hire a professional or you may handle it yourself. We hire professionals when we can’t manage it alone.

Self-help is the equivalent of buying some Off spray for your mosquito problem. Life coaching is the equivalent of hiring a professional to teach you how to setup your yard for successful picnics and barbecues from here on out.

Life’s pesky pests can sometimes put a damper on the joy that life was meant to be. You can enjoy your whole life for the rest of your life with the right tools and guiding principles. I am a living testament to this truth. If your life is in a less than desirable state then it may be time for you to take concentrated action towards your goals. It is never too late.

Working with a life coach may be the next most appropriate step in your personal journey toward fulfillment. Stay tuned to my blog, my social media posts, and my YouTube channel to enjoy virtual coaching until you are ready to stretch yourself to that next level of living. Until next time…

Take care of you,

Joe

Feminists Get it All: the Ring, Great Sex, and a Great Marriage.

In the age of Beyoncé, Oprah, Hilary Clinton, and Michelle Obama, feminism is a foregone conclusion. With that said, some women believe that the feminist movement stands in the way of them finding a husband so they do not embrace it. My article this week is an attempt to persuade you otherwise.

A cousin or friend once said to me that she was not down with the women's liberation thing which prompted a discussion about men being the head of the household and feminism preventing this from happening. To that I say, these people clearly have not been around many real men, #NoShade.

Real power is non-negotiable. Real men and real women do not engage in power struggles. This is not just me and my big mouth sparking debate. Read his book more closely, or listen to Steve Harvey regularly, and he will hip you to these same pearls of wisdom. Another author who initiated the reasons why "He's Just Not that Into You," Greg Behrendt, says the same thing. When a man is ready to be a real man with the lady he's into, then he will undoubtedly give her his heart.

So here's where women trip themselves up in my opinion. By not being a feminist, which means you believe in the social, sexual, and economic equality of women, you make the process of finding a husband longer than it needs to be. When a man is looking for a wife, he is looking for a partner that is his equal to create a life with. If the person you are with has not proposed to you, bought you a ring, and made you his wife, then you are simply not his equal. This statement goes both ways; you can be on a lower playing field than him or a higher one. The key is to not take it personally wherever you fall in his eyes and to keep it moving.

As a life coach to mostly women, I have seen a pattern in the women who wind up married or in lifetime committed relationships. They are women with purpose, strength, and they do not budge. This is where you will feel the urge to remind me of how purposeful and strong you are. To that I say, I agree. However, that guy you were with was not your equal, or you budged, and now you're taking things too personally which prevents you from moving on to finding a life mate.

Marriage is serious business, and I do mean business. In Elizabeth Gilbert's book, Committed, she gives a history of marriage pointing out the business-like endeavor it originated as. Two people were committing to combine their resources, their earning potential, and their genes for life to build something better than the two of them were separately. Most stay at home wives work just as hard as any woman who goes to work for a paycheck. The difference is she doesn't get a paycheck. If you're not a good worker, then you won't make a good spouse.

There are high divorce rates in America, and with the long overdue legalization of same sex marriage those numbers will rise if people continue to get married without taking this concept into consideration. The intention of marriage is for increase. Love is the marketing used to get the final result, and/or possibly the bonus after the final result. Either way, the coming together of two souls in a lifetime commitment is simply for increase.

ALERT! BRACE YOURSELF: If you are not married, it is probably because you do not want to be. Maybe you just don't want to work that hard in life. This may be the point where you unfollow me, start a debate with me, or make plans to bash, or discredit me. Try your best to resist that simple way of thinking. I am 43 this year. I am on the cusp of having spent more years in life with my hubby than not. He has spent half his life with me. It is not luck. I am a nerd. I study for fun, and I have certainly studied relationships. I have studied my own marriage more than anything. It is hard work.

We have had some rough patches which is normal for friends, lovers, and partners. I don't have one single relationship in my life that has not had friction. My human-ness makes that inevitable. However, when it comes to the commitment of marriage, it has a distinction because in our society married couples live together, raise kids together, and for the most part sleep together. Our money, credit, child rearing, sexual health, and tax liability can be tied to another person for life. This is in fact serious business. That's why my marriage is different from my friendships, or my family relations. I work harder for it to be a success than anything. I am committed to increase.

I was talking to a new friend who said she would be alone for the rest of her life if something happened to her husband. I remember another friend many decades ago not wanting to give her husband a divorce so she could continue to lay claims to his social security. This is simply lack consciousness. When I met my hubby I had a kid. To this day, I have never had a penny, nickel, dime, or quarter of child support from her DNA dad. My point of view was that he should be honored and willing to assist in the raising of my princess. If he wasn't, then he wasn't worthy of her. I had an increase mentality, a benefit of starting from the bottom. There is really nowhere to go but up.

I knew I was the marrying kind, and I also knew I would be an asset to someone. As a young chick I would often say to my friends that my guy had to have money so he wouldn't need to ask for mine. I said this as I watched them and my mother pay for dates, buy guys clothes, or loan men money for so called emergencies. Men who require that of women are not your equal. Women who require that are clearly not equals to the men they want to marry. If you view marriage as some sort of paid vacation in your mind, then it is not for you. In reality, it is the hardest volunteer gig ever invented. Though the service can definitely be its own reward, you also get love, friendship, companionship, adventure, loyalty, and a legacy as a bonus. Increase mentality begets increase living.

I believe men want feminism more than most women. As the mom to three boys, whom I tell to be prepared to pay for dates without expecting anything in return because it is an honor to be in a lady's presence, I also tell them to make certain the girl is worth their time, energy, and commitment. I have one son dating right now, and he works really hard for his paycheck. For him to waste his resources on a young lady who cannot match his hustle, intelligence, and potential would mean I didn't do my job correctly.

So here's the caveat. Dating relationships often involve sex. Unfortunately women equate sex with love. Sex feels good, and I am a huge fan of great sex. However, sex feels good to men physically first, then emotionally. For women, it is the opposite, emotions occur first, then it physically feels good, if it ever does, and therein lies the rub. Love involves emotions. Women simply have been crossing the wrong wires. If you are choosing to have casual sex with someone, then the emotion you should bring to the relationship is one of physical appreciation and adventure, not love.

Patti Stanger has a rule for men and especially women, "No sex before monogamy." Steve Harvey instructs his followers to invoke a 90-day waiting period before giving up the 'cookie.' Greg Behrendt laments, "Don't waste the pretty." All these hard and fast rules are for the protection of women's self-esteem. Which goes back to what I said about not budging. Self-esteem is what allows one to stick to one's standards.

Women are as delicate emotionally as they are head strong. The key to getting the ring is to never settle. Now, I don't mean have a long list of requirements. We are, after all, part of the human race. We are all flawed. But flawed people are reserving banquet halls and having cake tastings every day. The ones that are, usually are people who come to a relationship with a modicum of healthy self-esteem.

Yep, that is another ALERT. You may not be married because your self-esteem is too low. Mergers and acquisitions require a certain level of intelligence to be successful. It is a sad thing to be unintelligent about oneself. You are the very thing you need to have at least 10,000 hours of training and education in. You must know yourself before you can even hope of giving yourself away to someone else for a lifetime commitment. The high divorce rate exists because people lose themselves in bad marriages all the time.

This proves how easy it is to get married. The wrong people are doing it every day, why not you? It is because God is giving you grace. Those people who are on their third marriage have very healthy self-esteem. You really have to know yourself to get a divorce after 72 days, get engaged, and pop out a kid before the divorce is even final. It means your self-esteem is high enough to stand up to the scrutiny that is sure to come. You, however, do not possess that self-esteem level nor do you need it if you just want to get married once like I did. With that said, I told my friend, "please, I'm looking for my second husband every day if, God forbid, something happens to my present hubby." I am not wasting my pretty, my cookies, or the asset that is my monogamy. The mandate for a blessed life is, "be fruitful and multiply." If you are focused on being lazy, greedy, creating division, and hoarding your assets then you will experience the opposite of a blessed life, married or not.

So here's your homework. Go to Netflix or Amazon and get the movies, Pretty Woman, Runaway Bride, Mona Lisa Smile, and  My Best Friend's Wedding. You will get a lesson in personal worth, knowledge of self, feminism, and the concept of marital increase from these four movies respectively. Julia Roberts, a great actress, is smart, flirtatious, and easy on the eyes so she will be a great teacher for these marital requirements if being married is one of your long term goals.

Leave your questions and comments below, and dare to share your journey with our community. Love knows no pride; trust me on that one.

Take care of you,
Joe.

Confederate Flag Debate

One kid ago when I lived in Chicago, I took my kids to Pottawattomie Park for kid's yoga class. The Potawatomi Indians were one of nine tribal groups living around the Great Lakes according to the history provided by the park district's website. It states, "The tribe was nevertheless forced from the area after the Blackhawk War of 1832."
No, this is not another opportunity to mention the championship Blackhawks and one of the best summers of my life going from Mt. Shasta to Boston to New York and back to Missouri. Instead, I come to share some lessons.
While at the field house every week the kids noticed the artwork in the chandelier contained swastikas, yep, those highly recognized symbols of Nazi hate. What we learned that day was that the swastika predates Hitler. It is a Native American symbol used in a lot of artwork. Swastika is Sanskrit, meaning "well-being."
Symbols are used to represent something else. They are a quick reference to remember a message or an event. I have a dreamcatcher tattoo to symbolize my Native American heritage, the name of my husband's first company, and that I have the power within me to keep negativity away. Three meanings for one symbol.
I have another tattoo of the symbol that Prince used as his name for a time. Though the glyph, has an ancient meaning, for me, it again symbolizes three things: an artist's right to own the property they create, the fact that I am a huge fan of Prince, and a story about my grandmother leaving the house to go see an R rated movie which happened to be Purple Rain. I see this story as her small act against her own oppression, again one symbol with so many meanings.
Some of you may be surprised to learn that I have a confederate flag right here in my living room. It is on a piece of artwork that shows the book, Gone with the Wind which is my favorite movie of all times. The extent of contradictions that exist in my world are too vast even for me to write about. However, it is safe to say, I am not from the south, nor am I a racist white extremist. I am intelligent enough to know what the prominent meaning of the flag as a symbol is. It was used to convey a preferred time and way of life in American history. Unfortunately some extremists used this symbol to label their hatred against those whom they believe sparked a change to that way of life. And yet here it is, a symbol of hatred in my peace filled home.
Here's a story within a story. My mother took me to the movies to see Song of the South. I loved this movie, and the memory of her taking me to the movies has of course stayed with me. It is a love that I share with my children and now my reader audience as often as I can. One kid ago, I searched high and low for a copy of this movie so I could share it with my kids. The story of Brer Rabbit, like Scarlet O'Hara, always able to think their way out of a jam speaks to who I am as a person. Hattie McDaniel, the first black Oscar winner is in both movies, but I'll stop with all the God coincidences and try to make my point.
When I first moved to West Plains, MO. I had no concern for racism because those of us who grew up in Chicago know what brazen racism is capable of. It is with Chicago confidence that I do most things including doing a u-turn in my car when I saw a store sign that said "copies of Song of the South for $5." I parked right in front and went in to buy my copy intending to show my kids the movie that night with some popcorn. The store was like a museum of sorts. It had Gone with the Wind movie memorabilia which I loved, but it also had Aunt Jemima cookie jars, confederate flag cookie jars among other things, and lots of negative stereotypical memorabilia.
The store clerk was as nice as can be and we had a great conversation while I looked around and took it all in. It may not have shown on my face or in my demeanor, but I was shocked that the movie I loved was for sale in this type of establishment that clearly stood for a certain way of life in America. I made my purchases and then went home to do some research. I learned that Song of the South and Gone with the Wind were movies that were heavily protested by the NAACP. I learned that Hattie McDaniel, along with the other black actors from the movie, was not allowed in the theater where the film premiered in Atlanta on Peachtree street. Might I add that Margaret Mitchell, the author of the book, Gone with the Wind was hit by a car on Peachtree street while crossing to go see a movie many years later. She later died from those injuries. After doing my research, I put the movie away in storage and my kids have never seen Uncle Remus tell stories about Brer Rabbit.
Please don't mistake me as a black woman who is impressed by the actions of the NAACP. I think their time has come as well. An organization without the forethought to take the words "colored people" out of their name does not represent me. PBS has done more for the advancement of black people from my point of view. Forgive my digress, but the conversation of race has covered a lot of areas in the headlines lately. Clearly it is all connected to a greater agenda.
I didn't show my kids the movie because I didn't have the energy to create a whole lesson plan around what I learned to ensure they walked away with the best understanding of cultural images with regard to racism. This was something I had to do for my kids with other movies, TV shows, rap music, commercials, and even cartoons. It can be exhausting raising forward thinking citizens. With that said, adults are supposed to already have been raised. Intelligent adults know how to gather information, read, and interpret data to make a discerning decision for the good of society. And that is why you will see less and less of those symbols that are not good for a global society. No matter their intended purpose the predominant intention is what matters.
A short time after my initial visit I did want to give my sister and husband a history lesson so I took them back to the store to show them around. Maybe I just wanted the store clerk to see the progress that my family represents, who knows. Well the store was gone, not moved, but gone.
I am fond of another symbol that stems from a checkered past. I wear the sign of the cross as jewelry, and it will become part of my next tattoo. The cross was a tool used to crucify Jesus, a man of peace and love believed to be the son of God. Jesus taught the world that there is no separation between us and God, and for daring to do that in a world that profits from separation, he was crucified. So why do so many people see the symbol that was used as a death tool as a source of inspiration? Believers of Christ accept the account that Jesus rose from death which demonstrates that the cross had no power over him. Thus Christianity was born, then remade to fit into religious parameters that do what religion does, separate. Having said that, some still see the symbol of the cross as proof that Jesus lives or that his teachings live. It has become a positive symbol. The greater power behind a symbol will always be the victor in the battle of interpretation.
The confederate flag must not be made in America, sold in America, or displayed on property used for the care and keeping of America. As an American, you can keep it on your cars, on your front porch, and even in your living room like me. The way of life that supported oppression lost The Civil War and is now gone, not moved, but gone with the wind.

Promotion Tips for Authors

     I recently attended two events for authors. The first one discussed the crucial steps needed to have the best author website. The second meeting discussed self-promotion techniques for authors to incorporate into their marketing platforms. Both workshops contained excellent information to support authors in gaining exposure that leads to book sales. Below are my brief takeaways.

     There is so much information available on the Internet for any given topic. Becoming a writer, book selling, and brand formation are no exception. I will do in this article what I do with movies. I will provide you with the best action steps to take now to propel you forward towards your goals as a writer.

     Bob Baker, a former president and longtime member of the St. Louis Publishers Association, generously taught authors the best ways to turn their website into a "book-selling machine." Here are the action steps I recommend from two hours of great information:

 1. Get a website which will be the hub you use other social media platforms to drive traffic to. Of course it goes without saying that you also need to add your voice to the world of social media. Research Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and Twitter. Give social media at most an hour of your time each day as you navigate the promotion process. This can be an hour a day on just one or split that hour into 10 minutes for each site. There are so many that it can lead to a huge time suck of your day. With this, as in life, only do what works.

2. Create an email list (stop reading and begin this now). Bob stresses that email still provides    
authors with a direct connection to their readers/customers.

3. Manage those emails using a service. There are some free ones out there, some cater to authors. Do your research. I plan to use MailChimp.com ASAP.

4. Lastly the advice that helped me the most was Bob's assertion that "there are 3 types of fans and book lovers: a.) Eager book buyers, b.) Freebie Loving Tire Kickers, and c.) Undecided Fence Sitters." Your best website activity is for the sole purpose of converting the undecided into buyers.

5. Bob Baker can be found at www.FullTimeAuthor.com and www.TheBuzzFactor.com

     Joan Stewart referred to as "The Publicity Hound" is well versed in the best ways to garner free publicity for your products or services. She was easy to talk to and listen to. She shared 3 hours of great information that can easily keep authors productively promoting for some time. I have a list of ten action steps to focus on for the rest of the year:

1. Create an author profile on Goodreads and Amazon

2. Go to www.Bublish.com to create a book bubble.

3. Go to www.TweakYourBiz.com to get the best wording to create what Bob also recommends which is "hypnotic" phrasing for your Internet content and email subject lines.

4. Join LinkedIn groups where your readers may be found not where other writers are found.

5. Use a private host company for your website so you own that Internet real estate. Also use your brand as your email address e.g. Joe@LightsCameraTakeAction.com

6. Market yourself as an expert in your field when giving your opinion, service, book info, or input to any forms of traditional media,  i.e. radio, TV networks, press releases, other bloggers, and freelance writers. Check out HARO.com

7. Always have a "call to action" in your marketing materials.

8. For those who want to offset their income by working in the publishing industry, you can get paid for your know-how on these publishing topics the way Bob Baker and so many other seasoned writers do. A new profession out there now is called a "Book Shepherd." This is a person who guides a newbie through this whole publishing process. After you get savvier at social media, you can also offer services to web shy writers as a "Social Media Manager."

9. Go to www.Gravatar.com to create an avatar that will show up while you create and leave your Internet footprint all over social media and the web.

10. Joan Stewart can be found at www.PublicityHound.com or JStewart@PublicityHound.com

Best of luck to you writers and entrepreneurs out there. Remember to create balance boundaries as you pursue knowledge around the best ways to promote yourself and your writing within the vast audience that is the Internet. Use those notification buttons religiously. My job as your virtual life coach is to remind you to enjoy the journey while pursuing any goal.

Take care of you,
Movie Coach Joe.

S. O. S. Stuck On Stupid

     I am stupid, yes, you heard me correctly.
    
     Sometimes, I am ignorant as to the best, correct, or most acceptable way to do something. I still spill water down the front of my refrigerator thinking I can fill my water bottles directly from the water dispenser. Lack of space, small holes, and bad aim has proven that I need to fill a pitcher that has a wide opening first to avoid water spills onto my wood floor.
    
     I still have an issue with time management. I often forget my purse, keys, or items I sat directly by the door so as not to forget them. Last week, I did two U-turns on my block looking like a fool to my neighbors or to myself at least, by repeatedly doing donuts (ooh donuts... focus) in front of my house because I could not remember if I closed the garage door or not. After the first time I went back to look, I couldn't remember what I saw so I turned around again... stupid.
    
     Oh my God, I still say yes when I want to say no. I still give more than I should, do more than my share, and doubt myself afterwards when I do know what to do and do it. I wonder did I hurt someone's feelings, was I too loud, did I cuss too much or not enough. Yes, this is a real issue for Joe, not enough cuss outs. But here's what I have learned. There's a remedy for ignorance, and it is learning.
    
     However, the first step is to be okay with looking or feeling stupid. Only then am I able to allow the Holy Ghost to step in and do its work. Yes, you heard me correctly, "Little Miss Knows Quite A Bit" has to admit out loud sometimes that I don't always know the best, correct, or most acceptable thing to do. To this, I say hallelujah, usually with some good beats playing while dancing alone in my living room in my panties. Yes, I strip down to the bare necessities needed to hold my jiggly parts in place while I relive the Beyoncé & Jay-Z "On The Run" concert in my living room. I surrender to not knowing by celebrating.
    
     This is actually a metaphor for what is required by the Holy Ghost so it can do a wondrous work in and with me. If one wants to be dressed properly, attractively, or more fashionably then one must strip off the old clothing in preparation for the new items to come. So that's what I do with the writing of this blog. I lay myself bare so there are no hiding spots left, because of course I can't hide from God.
    
     Though one can't hide from God, one can certainly be stuck on stupid. When that happens, God is not going to be lowered to my level of understanding. Instead, I have to be open to receiving new understanding so I can rise up to God's level eventually and permanently. And sometimes that looks like confessing my stupidity.
    
     So now you probably want to know what I am talking about. Is Joe going to confess she needs to diet? Nope, my relationship with my body is good. I have climbed mountains, literally and figuratively, ran marathons, survived cancer, and given birth to four healthy babies, all with this body. I like and appreciate my thickness right now. Is this where she confesses to hidden debt? Nope, my debt is the same, mortgages, IRS, avenues of entertainment through AT&T U-verse, Apple, Netflix, theaters, and access to food & utilities.
    
     I'm deeply in love with my life, my husband, kids, and animals. I am still living my dreams of traveling, attending Harvard Extension School, being a published writer and spiritual life coach. I actually have two exciting speaking engagements coming up. Trust me, it's God, not me. Remember I'm stuck on stupid. I themed this blog S. O. S., because I need help.
    
     I've held you in suspense long enough. What is the really big thing I am working on that I need Holy Ghost intervention for? I want to become a Billionaire. There, I put it out there. I love being a kept woman of leisure. But in this lifetime, I want my name, my skills, my gifts, and my talents to earn me billions of dollars, and I have no idea how to make it happen.
    
     Here's where I confess my stupid act. While downloading magazines from my library app for my NYC trip, I did not include the latest Forbes magazine with the headline, "Billionaires" on it in huge capital letters. Then I saw it again on all the newsstands I passed in the airport and on the streets of Manhattan and still I did not get it. Why does an avid reader avoid needed knowledge that I could easily read in minutes? I avoided the magazine because it scared me that much. You see, once I fully know, then there's no going back.
    
     There it is, fear, fear of the unknown, fear of failure, and sadly fear of greatness. I confess that it scares me to want this, and I want it badly. I believe I could be even more shunned by people, friends and relatives. I must confess I have subscribed to the "Mo money, Mo problems" philosophy even though I know I am great at managing and solving problems. I don't trust myself not to ruin it all by being over generous or lacking proper management skills. I even wonder if I can handle the distinctiveness of it all.
    
     Yes, you heard me correctly, I sometimes fear standing apart from the pack. There is also a part of me that says, "wait, let your husband become a billionaire first." But I don't want to be a billionaire's wife; I Want To Be A Billionaire.  I wonder how I am even going to fully conceive of it even in this Lean In, OWN, Thrive, and Run The World environment that I have been born into. Of course, Oprah Winfrey, Martha Stewart, Sheryl Sandberg, and J. K. Rowling are all my mentors from afar. Right now however, I need more than role models, I need God.
    
     Another hip hop inspired philosophy that I subscribe to more, comes from Russell Simmons who says, "you breathe the same air the billionaires do." So I go to the source of all air with my plight. A quote from the TV series Roots, "Behold, the only thing greater than thyself," helps me to know and believe what I desire is possible in this lifetime. So bear witness to my latest dream and watch God work it out for me. Know that whatever your dreams are, God can handle them as well. First, you have to confess that you may not always know the right thing to do at the right time. And then when God tells you, shows you, or enables you to do it, take action, even if that means daring to sit in public reading yet another Forbes article about Billionaires. To do otherwise would be less than smart.

Detours Along The Way Can Be Great!

     There really are no wrong turns in life. You may be thinking I am off on this one, but hear me out. Every detour or misstep in life provides us with an opportunity for learning and growth. You may be wondering,"Why do I have to have all these growth opportunities?" It is because you have reached out to your higher source either consciously or unconsciously on a regular basis asking for something better to come into your life in some area of your life. A benevolent God loves you too much to give you something you won't be able to handle.

     Trust me, I have learned time and again that giving someone a gift they are not able to handle is no gift at all. I took friends and family on a major shopping trip to the Mall of America once. I handed out gift cards to everyone according to what I thought was fair and reasonable, and in accordance with my budget for the trip. Not everyone was happy with this gift. No one had to pay for their food, travel, or lodging in addition to the gift cards and yet somehow fault was found. I have not allowed my missteps in giving to stop me from being generous. What I have learned from these wrong turns is to become a better, more informed giver. The wisdom garnered from that small gift experience saved me from making a mistake in giving a bigger gift to a charitable organization. I learned to do better research, to have a longer observation period, and I learned to see how they handled a small amount before committing to a bigger amount; it has saved me quite a bit in wasted generosity. 

     The detours, setbacks, and misgivings that you are experiencing are certainly frustrating to say the least. But like a kid counting down the days until Christmas, you have to wait with a good attitude and learn to enjoy the anticipation as well. Your destination has not moved. It is waiting on you just like you are faithfully waiting to get to it. However, there is knowledge that you'll pick up along the way that will make the journey's end a better and more lasting experience.

     Here are some movies to watch that will bring home my points and keep you entertained along the way: 

Seven Pounds starring Will Smith will teach you to be selective about whom you give your gifts.

I Can Do Bad All by Myself starring Taraji P. Henson will teach you never to settle out of impatience.

Under the Tucson Sun starring Diane Lane will teach you to embrace your missteps and detours. You may end up somewhere better than you originally planned. 

Take care of you,

Movie Coach Joe.

My Dream Job

     My little eaglets have all flown the nest, and they love it, me, not so much. I miss my kids too much. With that said, I don't wish things were different in the slightest. I knew very early on in parenting that roots and wings were the two things that I had to make sure to give my kids. My four children all know that mommy is always available to them, and they also know, much to their chagrin sometimes, that I will always come to them wherever they are. Now I am freed up to live my writer's existence without interruption. Here is my latest writer's tale.
    
     My 9 year old is in the fourth grade. He comes home from school and asks me, "Mommy, how many books have you written?" I answered him incredulously, "Tristan, you know the answer is one; this is my first book." He said, "I know, but my friend said you wrote another book." After going back and forth asking him if he corrected his friend and him telling me that he did, we let it go. It seems his friend was so sure of what he believed that Tristan had to make sure by asking me if I was sure. I had to wonder myself. The belief of a kid is that strong.

    
     Of course, Lights, Camera, Take Action is my first book though I have been writing for decades. So after talking to my kid, I walked away searching my mind to see if I had some unpublished work out there that I had forgotten about. It brought me to an excellent memory that I guess needed my attention. After venturing down memory lane, I realized maybe I did have a book before this one. Some thirty years ago, I had a diary. Now you may be thinking, "well hell, I had a diary, that doesn't mean I wrote a book as a kid." Well my diary was not the cute kind with a lock; mine was a 5 subject notebook that I turned into my diary.
    
     As an urban teen, I certainly had many challenges, but none that ever overtook me. I was always observant, resourceful, and resilient, and I wrote down everything that I experienced in an effort to process it all. That's 42 year old Joe speaking not the pre-teen who authored all those thoughts, feelings, and observations just to get them out of her head and heart. Sure enough, as is the case for most young girls, I had a mother who was trying to understand me. My mother would always say, "would you just talk to me," easier said than done. Though I didn't feel like I could talk to her, I would write letters and poems to express myself.
    
     You already know where this is going; my mother found my diary, despite my many attempts to keep my brother guessing about its whereabouts. She not only found it and read it; she shared it with all her sisters and friends. As you can imagine, I was mortified. I was embarrassed, sad, and beyond humiliated by people reading my private thoughts. "You've come a long way, baby" indeed.
    
     This crime against the sanctity of a young girl's inner workings went on for a week which for a kid is an eternity. My mother would sit on the phone with one of her friends or one of our family members and read to them from the pages of that notebook. "Honey Hoo" is my mother's phrase. When I tell you she kept saying, "Honey Hoo" at different things I had written, she just wouldn't put it down or give it back. I wrote about kissing a boy, crazy stuff going on at school and in the streets. I even wrote about her. The things she did or didn't do were probably front and center in my "book," oh the horror.
    
     I remember sitting on the floor eavesdropping on one conversation with her friend, where they just laughed and laughed. During that conversation, my heart aching pain turned into pride. After listening to my mother's chats over and over again and after a whole week of her walking around with my notebook/diary, I realized that she actually enjoyed my writing. And that folks, is how this writer was born.
    
     For years prior to the notebook incident I begged and prayed every Christmas for Santa to bring me a typewriter. The typewriter never came, but I never stopped wanting it. I just loved tapping on typewriters whenever I came across one. For fun, true story, I used to sit next to the phone and type out words with the numbers (yes, I invented texting). I was definitely destined to become a writer.
    
     So it would appear that Tristan's friend may know more than we originally thought. It would seem that I have already written a book and at least in my neighborhood and extended family, it was a hit. Shortly after the diary incident of 1984, my mother bought me a typewriter. It was the best gift I had ever received. There was a small screen that allowed me to do my two-finger pecking of all I wanted to write and then when done, I pushed a button, and the typewriter would speedily type it all up automatically. From outside my bedroom door, I sounded like an expert typist. I wish I could've said the same for my violin practicing, but alas, my destiny was not to be a violinist. I am a writer.
    
     Thank you to everyone who has followed my mommy's lead, bought my book, and shared my writing with your family and friends. I pray you, like her, will enjoy my words. And this is why I am a happy empty nester despite my occasional whining and kid stalking. I am living a dream being able to call myself a writer and a professional author. I love signing books for readers and taking pictures with future success stories. A special thank you to Gary and Regina York for hosting my first signing at their movie theater.
    
     My latest writing class (yep, still a nerd) at Harvard Extension School has begun and will take me away from social media as I work really hard in these next 4 months to get that 'A.' However, I will still be around occasionally with my funny and motivational take on things, just not so much.
    
     Your Movie Coach is busy putting wisdom into action for the benefit of my present and future readers. Please feel free to message me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, or visit this blog should you miss your Joe fix. More greatness is in the works as I write for my craft, my readers, and myself everyday. I pray my book will support you in creating your own dream life. Everything I put in it has helped me to do just that.

    
     I read, I write, I watch TV & movies, and I dance in my underwear. Beyoncé was correct in her documentary when she said, "Life is but a Dream," and I am living it everyday.


     Thank you again for your support. Until next time...
Take care of you,
Joe Williams-Nelson, Author Extraordinaire, A Real Housewife, Mogul Mom, Movie Coach Joe, Mama Joe, and Mother of Eagles. 

My Work.

Today is Social Media Monday. It is the day where I sit down at my computer at 10a and then look up, and it is 7p. I have no Movie Motivation for today because I had a busy weekend of traveling and recovering from travel. The only movie I saw at the theater was Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. No inspiration to speak of. I have Streetcar Named Desire from Netflix waiting on me to catch up on my work. Maybe it will provide me with some lessons to share on Facebook.

So there was a request from a follower that I share my work. What does the schedule of a stay-at-home mom transitioning back to career mom look like? Since I am an awesome life coach it is filled with a lot of 'me time.' I recommend the same for any followers. If you have ever wondered "what is it like to work with a life coach," I will break it down.


Identification is first. Identify those areas in your life that you want to see improvement, success, or to feel like a winner. I am presently working on the following areas: Finance, Relationships, Education, Career, Self-care, and Service.


Clarity is second. How will you know you have reached success. What will it look like? I will have success in Finance when I have a payment plan worked out with the IRS. I will have success in Relationships when my whole tribe is all together again making new memories. I will have Education success when I get an A in my next class at Harvard. I will have Career success when I recoup the investment I made to self-publish my book, and my residual checks cover my expenses. I will have Self-care success when I can buy clothes in the single digits. I will have Service success when I am making a positive difference in the life of someone else.


Awareness is step 3. You know the sign that says, "you are here," well it helps to know how far away one is from their success to limit frustration. After that, you will know whether to set short term goals or long term goals.


In the Finance area, I am waiting on the accountant to file my taxes who is waiting on Gregory to go through his deductions. We need to finalize the taxes so we will know how much we owe. In Relationships I have spent time with everyone in my tribe recently except for Zack, but I know he is doing well because he is in love and got a raise at work. I am behind already on my Education goal because today is the first day of registration for Fall classes, and I did not do that first on my computer today. My Career area needs structure. I joined social media and am too fascinated to focus. My Service area is on auto-pilot right now. I am donating money to churches and charity, and I am donating unused items to Goodwill, but I am not putting in any face to face time with anyone in need. I have attended a few charity events, but I want to do more. The last area I am focusing on is Self-Care. I am down to 209lbs, and I want to be under 200 by the end of August.


Goals and Action Steps are the last two phases. So my goals and steps for August are the following:


Finance: Goal #1 Get Greg to finish his part so we can file 2014 taxes.
              Action Step #1 Wear low cut shirts and short shorts to motivate him.


Relationships: Goal #1. Make plans to be together during the holiday.
                        Action Step #1 Call and get work schedules for Jordy & Zack.
                       Action Step #2 Put kids school vacation days on the family calendar.


Education: Goal #1 Get an A in Expo E-25.
                  Action Step #1 Register for class. #2 Buy books. #3 Write excellent essays.


                  Goal #2 Get Smooches registered for her Fall class.
                  Action Step #1 Call and remind her to pick up the check for class.


Career: Goal #1 Set a date for book signing and launch party.
             Action Step #1 Open bookmarks, business cards, and posters that came in the mail.
             Action Step #2 Sign off and give approval for press release. Get a copy.
             Action Step #3 Tweet about my placement in the Balboa Press Summer Catalog.
             Action Step #4 Update Blog. Decide about SLPA event for networking (attend or not).
             Mail eBook Stubs to Literary Agents.


Self-care: Goal #1 Release 10lbs in August.
                Action Step #1 Decide about Shape Diva Dash (attend or not).
                Action Step #2 Ride bike instead of driving for anything under 10 miles.
               Action Step #3 Get a massage every week.


Service: Goal #1 Complete documents on Legal Zoom for 501(c) 3 paperwork.
             Action Step #1 Sign paperwork as Director of my non-profit.
             Action Step #2 Go to Legal Zoom site and finish questionnaire.
             Action Step #3 Call Andrea with any questions I may have about the questionnaire
             process.


This is how Life mastery is acquired. Yes most people are juggling work, home, relationships, and life in general. However, when one works with a life coach one is better able to get to new heights. The last thing Life Coaches do is to support their clients in the Removal phase. Most times there are obstacles physically or mentally keeping us away from our BEST LIFE. Life Coaches support their clients in removing these barriers to success with ease.


My list of Removals include:
Late night TV watching during the week.
Social media that is not career related during the week.
Fast food restaurants.
Caffeine after 2p.
Procrastinating. Go to Harvard website after I post this blog (no editing or posting on Facebook).


Those Removals will help with physical blocks. I will get enough sleep, lower my calorie intake, stop wasting time, and just do it when it comes to the class. But what about mental blocks? For mental barriers I find we usually need to add some things to crowd out the unhelpful mental chatter that can sabotage a good goal.


My list of Additions include:
Twice Daily Meditations (Once in the morning and the 2nd with my "Take a Break" app)
Joel Osteen's audio book, "Break Out."
Dr. Oz says to add purple foods, walnuts, and raw honey to my diet.
More talks and sex with Gregory.
Daily 10 minute nap.


So that is a snapshot of Life Mastery. I will give a progress report on this specific post in September to see if I reached my goals, experienced any setbacks, and enjoyed myself along the way. Happy August. (Maybe I will get the movie August Rush on Netflix to watch with the boys before school starts).


I am off to register for class.
Take care of you,
Mogul Mom

B-day Blog

Happy Birthday to me!

     I entered the world 42 years ago in an apartment on Chicago's Southwest side on a Sunday morning. I was born on a sofa and delivered by my uncle. How unorthodox and such is the way of my life.
     I have been exponentially blessed in this lifetime. No one makes it out of this life alive. The hope is that you make it out and have lived; I certainly have. "Life is a banquet, and some poor suckers are starving to death" says Rosalind Russell in my favorite version of the movie, Auntie Mame.

     This summer my boys and I have been going to the library for their awesome events. They have seen weather demonstrations, great folk music (a family tradition), reptiles, and creepy critters, all in the library.

     Sometimes I have joined them, sometimes not. We all know I am never voluntarily going to be in the same room as a rat. I usually sit with the parents in the chairs while the kids cop a squat on the floor around the activities. I have a writer's point of view of the action. So today on my birthday I will rant about two irritations that caught my writer's POV.

     During one of the science demonstrations there was a kid sitting in front of me in a chair and not on the floor. She kept raising her hand and answering the questions correctly when the presenter called on her. After awhile her female caretaker (maybe mom, maybe not) told her to put her hand down and keep quiet. It reminded me of being in school and being told by my own favorite teacher to put my hand down after answering several questions correctly.

     I realized that people, especially women, definitely get their hang-ups and issues during their developmental years. Why can't girls Shine, Lean In, and Run The World? Well they can if we push past these interruptions to our progress as a species. Ladies we have to push back on these antiquated rules that say women and girls have to take a back seat in life. Raising your hand the most is not rude, telling someone the best way to do something is not bossy, and tooting your own horn is not obnoxious. Maya Angelou said, "Timidity makes a person modest. It makes him or her say, 'I'm not worthy of being written up in the record of deeds in heaven or on earth.' Timidity keeps people from their good. They are afraid to say, 'Yes, I deserve it.'"

     On another day, I witnessed a whole other scene. I was going to the restroom, which I do a lot in my forties (ladies do your kegel exercises). As I approached the door it swung open and a little girl and her female caretaker (maybe mom, maybe not) exited. As the little girl passed me she said , "sorry (saw-ree)". In my mind I thought, wow we start them young in these parts. This adorable little miss was all of 3, and already she has the unnecessary habit of over apologizing. I recently told my own little princess to lose the habit. A week or so later she sent me an article that told me she heard me and got confirmation from The Universe that mommy knows of what she speaks.

     We are on the verge of having a very qualified woman become President of The United States. The media outlets are about to tear her apart when they put her through the wringer while she campaigns. We can all graduate our thinking when this happens not by saying they are picking on her because she's a woman but instead saying they are treating her the way they treat all the candidates. She's a woman; she can handle it.
     Hillary Clinton will make a great president if she doesn't wait her turn to speak, tells them how to do it well, and she pats herself on the back when she gets it right. If she does this, she will get my Republican vote and create a better free world for Chelsea's future kids.
     Naomi Wolfe says, "A Mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance actually VACCINATES her daughter against low self-esteem." May I just say that my little princess is on her way to being a Q.U.E.E.N. just like her mommy. Now that is a great gift.

When you learn, teach, when you get, give." - Dr. Maya Angelou

     Today is the day I decided to announce on my blog that my first book is "live." A book that took me over a decade to complete because my priorities have always been with my family. It took me a long time to learn to make myself a priority because I was naturally a giver. As I learned to give to myself first as every Mogul Mom must, I was actually able to finally complete and self-publish my book, Lights, Camera, Take Action. Yesterday my book arrived on my doorstep as I left to take my boys to karate. I sat waiting on them to complete their class for two hours resisting the urge to drive home, and rip open the package on my porch. Good thing I stayed put because my son's friends were not in class. My son usually hangs out with his friends after class while his friends wait on their dad who is in the next class with my teen. So instead he sat with me and talked to me for an hour about the book he is reading.


     I came home and immediately got busy with dinner. When the bellies were full, the dishes loaded in the dishwasher, and the dogs let outside, I sat down to inspect the first copy of my book. My book, my first book, my creation that is not a kid. It was beyond surreal. After looking it over, I talked to my teen for an hour while he gave me my first interview about my book. He wanted to know how I did it from start to finish. I guess all those days I sat at my computer to write didn't resonate until he saw the finished product. He said he wanted to write his own book. I showed him the parts of the book he inspired. I showed him his dedication, and he smiled. I beamed with pride . . . for myself and this wonderful life I have created. I sent pictures to my hubby, my daughter, and to son #1 and they were all excited for me.


      Tomorrow I share my finished product with my women writers group. Today is when I decided to share it with my small platform of readers, the original public fan base of my writing. Today of all days I decide to share proof of my knowledge with the world. As you may already know, Dr. Maya Angelou passed away today. To say she was an inspiration is to say the sun is bright. It goes without saying. America knew and loved Maya Angelou, a woman of humble beginnings, a survivor of childhood horrors, a warrior woman who fought for civil rights alongside fellow great leaders, and a daughter/sister/mother/friend who just so happened to have used words to heal herself and the world as much as any human could.


     As I write this blog, I am listening to Alicia Keys song, Caged Bird on repeat. "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" too . . . because it must in order to know freedom. Maya Angelou said, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." Thanks to Maya Angelou and her courage, here I sit in her birth city of St. Louis declaring to the world today, that I am no longer in agony, I am free. I Am A Writer.


    
Maya, Maya, Maya, Maya . . . Thank you.

"Sometimes It Snows In April"

My latest blog title is actually a song by Prince. Twice it has applied to the weather in my recollection of life in the Midwest. It's actually about the death of a friend so of course it has always touched me deeply. My best friend indulged my love of Prince's music by watching Under the Cherry Moon with me too many times. Thank God for Tender Mercies.

 

I have never been one to critique the work of Mother Nature. Whether it is cold, hot, windy, rainy, or freezing in Chicago, we just dealt with it. So as climate change puts a damper on any plans to store my winter gear, I press on with high spirits. Showtime has a new series about climate change entitled, Years of Living Dangerously. I joined my movie Meetup group for a Friday flick and saw a preview. It looked fascinating. At the end of the preview a man yelled out, "I'm glad I don't have Showtime." WTF?

 

Today is the one year anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombing. Boston Strong is a permanent part of our vernacular. Fear is so un-American so of course one of our nation's early cities presses on valiantly. Events in Boston acted as the genesis of America back in the 1700's, one an act of violence which is known as the Boston Massacre, and the other an act of solidarity known as the Boston Tea Party. Though Spring is running late, there are new births happening all around us. Runners who last year ran the race on legs they were born with will run on man-made legs this year. Awesome!

 

While I am a big supporter of Nene Leakes and her efforts to capitalize on being the best Housewife of all the reality shows out there. I am rooting for Amy Purdy to win Dancing With The Stars. Both ladies had me in tears last night watching the Disney themed show. No matter what the doubters say, you are doing a great job of adjusting to your own need for climate change ABC. My kids and I loved the show last night. The Let It Go performance got all tens. Damn right it did!

 

Speaking of things my kids and I loved. We stayed up late last night watching How the West Was Won waiting on the Blood Moon to complete its performance. We went outside at 1am, tried to make a fire to no avail, wrapped up in blankets, and watched the first hour of the Lunar Eclipse. We came back inside and got up every thirty minutes to watch the moon appear to turn red. It was beautiful. I even got back up at 4am to make sure all was well as the Earth's shadow slowly faded away. CNN has a nice 1 minute video of the 3 hour event. While there check the schedule or view clips for another interesting documentary, Chicagoland. "Just hold on [Chicago], I'm coming home soon."

 

Well it is time for this Mogul Mom to get back to work. On the list for today:

• Blog
• Balance checkbook
• 5 mile run
• Grocery shopping
• Manuscript editing
• Karate class for boys
• Read library books
• Dinner
• TV
• Bed  

One thing done . . . nine more to go.

Take care of you,

Mogul Mom Joe

[Vodka] Diaries

     What is a Mogul Mom to do for entertainment these days? I turn to the sensation that so many fan boys before me appreciated from its genesis onto the screen, Game of Thrones. Distraction has always been a suitable way to deal with one's time between projects, events, and significant routines. Game of Thrones is an excellent form of entertainment inside the house. Of course a good life coach would pass on any lessons gleaned. Game of Thrones does the best job ever of teaching one to grow where one is planted. Whether it is downtime, transition time, or my favorite, 'take action' time, strength of spirit, mind, character, and resources must always be maintained.

 

     Outside the house, I am entertained by my search for friendship. It has proven a worthy quest. I have been reminded of a younger version of myself. A person who was smart, noble, and cute enough to get this Mogul Mom to higher ground. By putting myself out there I have rewarded her for hard work and service done without complaint or compromise. And now she dances without having to watch her back or her backside against trespassers with vodka as her only ride along. "The cold never bothered [her] anyway" however, coldness is not fun. Vodka is a great solution to both.

     If there are moguls in training reading this, my last bit of advice follows:

• Save your drinking days for when you can pay cash for your own libation. Your mind will stay sharp.
• Make good use of your bus pass or walking shoes until you can drive away from the valet stand in your fully paid for vehicle. Your body will stay tight.
• Continue to do the right thing no matter how easy it is not to. This trait will bring the best people your way for years to come. Your heart will stay open.
• Last but not least, moisturize and stay out of the sun so you can still look as cute enough as you did in your twenties. When climbing a mountain, sun protection is most important the nearer one gets to the top; make it a habit now. Your spirit will soar from all the compliments.

The Purple Reign continues . . .
Take care of you.

. . . "the cold never bothered me anyway."

I read a quote that said, "Contentment is wanting what you have." I thought how excellent that definition is. Since reading it my hubby and I have a new saying, "use what you have." We have begun tackling our various Spring projects now that the Midwest is all thawed out, and we are trying to make use of the things we have rather than going out and buying something new. So far so good.


February wrapped up quite nicely. I attended the Black Enterprise Women of Power Summit. It was very educational. I am still making changes to my manuscript. Staring at a computer screen is now my least favorite thing to do . . . ever. How that will work for my Summer class, which is online, is beyond me, but I press on.


At the Women of Power Summit, I heard legendary and inspirational speakers that have added necessary fuel to my dream rocket. I went to the spa and overheard the receptionist say that Suze Orman and K. T. (her wife) were on their way in for services. I had a fan attack for about 5 minutes and decided not to hover waiting for a chance to meet her again. Yes, on two other occasions I was blessed to have an energy exchange with Suze Orman. My decision not to fan out was based in my desire to avoid seeming greedy to The Universe. "Let someone else have that awesome moment" I said to myself.


I managed to make friends while at the conference which supported the goals I set for myself last time I wrote. My new friend actually got to see Suze when she checked in. See it worked out.


Yes, my friend quest marches on. The website, Girlfriend Social is just okay for making introductions with new potential friends. So far, I have only had consistent conversation with one other person. She is funny and refreshing to chat with. We have plans to finally meet in May when I am home in Chicago for my 10 mile run.


Speaking of visits to Chicago, the reason I decided not to be a greedy fan is because at a charity dinner earlier in the month I met two of my financial heroes already. John Rogers and Melody Hobson run Ariel Investments, a Chicago firm in charge of billions of investors' dollars. Mr. Rogers received award recognition from The Chicago Bulls Charity organization at a dinner held on the floor of the United Center. It was a nice night. I also got to introduce myself to Scottie Pippen. He was so nice and gracious as was Ms. Hobson (aka Mrs. Lucas) and Mr. Rogers when I went up to them and introduced myself.


This Mogul Mom is definitely blessed to be spoon-fed by God all the dreams I can handle. However, there is something about contentment that I cannot describe. The Constant Craving (great song btw) that is part of every human has somehow been satiated within me.


When I first moved to Missouri, my kids and I had a motto for our moments of calm. We were officially out of the rat race of life as well as the hustle and bustle of city transit and traffic, and we were loving it big time. Our motto was il dolce far niente. It means, "how lovely to do nothing." We first learned it from watching the movie Houseboat with my favorite actor, Cary Grant years prior. Now we knew its meaning.


I have time to hang out with my family, write, teach, and read at my leisure. It is beyond lovely. I wish this peace for everyone who reads this. I finished the book I was reading about the search for friendship. It was a decent read after all. The writer was aware of her insecurities and her own flaws as a friend. It gave me great awareness. It also introduced me to Meetup.com. A place for people with common interest to find each other on the internet and make plans to get together. So far, I have joined 3 Meetup groups, one for women writers, one for pure socializing in the city, and one for networking with real estate investors.


I have only gone to one Meetup, and it was just what I needed. Maybe that is why I am experiencing an overabundance of contentment. I met with 4 other women in a coffee shop to discuss our writing. Is this Joe heaven or what? No that would be found on Harvard campus for me, but this was close. A freelance writer, a playwright, a mystery novelist, and an Arts reviewer are now all potential friends. I am meeting next week with another writer who is not able to make our Meetup time. I also have two dates on my calendar to attend events with my social group. Yes, contentment is almost like heaven on earth.


My kids sat me down and made me watch the Oscar winning movie, Frozen. Am I glad they did. I have been listening to the Oscar winning song, "Let it Go" every day on repeat since the Oscars. It perfectly sums up my first quarter of living like a Queen in 2014. "Here I stand in the light of day" and the view from my mountaintop is Amazing!!!!