My Dream Job

     My little eaglets have all flown the nest, and they love it, me, not so much. I miss my kids too much. With that said, I don't wish things were different in the slightest. I knew very early on in parenting that roots and wings were the two things that I had to make sure to give my kids. My four children all know that mommy is always available to them, and they also know, much to their chagrin sometimes, that I will always come to them wherever they are. Now I am freed up to live my writer's existence without interruption. Here is my latest writer's tale.
    
     My 9 year old is in the fourth grade. He comes home from school and asks me, "Mommy, how many books have you written?" I answered him incredulously, "Tristan, you know the answer is one; this is my first book." He said, "I know, but my friend said you wrote another book." After going back and forth asking him if he corrected his friend and him telling me that he did, we let it go. It seems his friend was so sure of what he believed that Tristan had to make sure by asking me if I was sure. I had to wonder myself. The belief of a kid is that strong.

    
     Of course, Lights, Camera, Take Action is my first book though I have been writing for decades. So after talking to my kid, I walked away searching my mind to see if I had some unpublished work out there that I had forgotten about. It brought me to an excellent memory that I guess needed my attention. After venturing down memory lane, I realized maybe I did have a book before this one. Some thirty years ago, I had a diary. Now you may be thinking, "well hell, I had a diary, that doesn't mean I wrote a book as a kid." Well my diary was not the cute kind with a lock; mine was a 5 subject notebook that I turned into my diary.
    
     As an urban teen, I certainly had many challenges, but none that ever overtook me. I was always observant, resourceful, and resilient, and I wrote down everything that I experienced in an effort to process it all. That's 42 year old Joe speaking not the pre-teen who authored all those thoughts, feelings, and observations just to get them out of her head and heart. Sure enough, as is the case for most young girls, I had a mother who was trying to understand me. My mother would always say, "would you just talk to me," easier said than done. Though I didn't feel like I could talk to her, I would write letters and poems to express myself.
    
     You already know where this is going; my mother found my diary, despite my many attempts to keep my brother guessing about its whereabouts. She not only found it and read it; she shared it with all her sisters and friends. As you can imagine, I was mortified. I was embarrassed, sad, and beyond humiliated by people reading my private thoughts. "You've come a long way, baby" indeed.
    
     This crime against the sanctity of a young girl's inner workings went on for a week which for a kid is an eternity. My mother would sit on the phone with one of her friends or one of our family members and read to them from the pages of that notebook. "Honey Hoo" is my mother's phrase. When I tell you she kept saying, "Honey Hoo" at different things I had written, she just wouldn't put it down or give it back. I wrote about kissing a boy, crazy stuff going on at school and in the streets. I even wrote about her. The things she did or didn't do were probably front and center in my "book," oh the horror.
    
     I remember sitting on the floor eavesdropping on one conversation with her friend, where they just laughed and laughed. During that conversation, my heart aching pain turned into pride. After listening to my mother's chats over and over again and after a whole week of her walking around with my notebook/diary, I realized that she actually enjoyed my writing. And that folks, is how this writer was born.
    
     For years prior to the notebook incident I begged and prayed every Christmas for Santa to bring me a typewriter. The typewriter never came, but I never stopped wanting it. I just loved tapping on typewriters whenever I came across one. For fun, true story, I used to sit next to the phone and type out words with the numbers (yes, I invented texting). I was definitely destined to become a writer.
    
     So it would appear that Tristan's friend may know more than we originally thought. It would seem that I have already written a book and at least in my neighborhood and extended family, it was a hit. Shortly after the diary incident of 1984, my mother bought me a typewriter. It was the best gift I had ever received. There was a small screen that allowed me to do my two-finger pecking of all I wanted to write and then when done, I pushed a button, and the typewriter would speedily type it all up automatically. From outside my bedroom door, I sounded like an expert typist. I wish I could've said the same for my violin practicing, but alas, my destiny was not to be a violinist. I am a writer.
    
     Thank you to everyone who has followed my mommy's lead, bought my book, and shared my writing with your family and friends. I pray you, like her, will enjoy my words. And this is why I am a happy empty nester despite my occasional whining and kid stalking. I am living a dream being able to call myself a writer and a professional author. I love signing books for readers and taking pictures with future success stories. A special thank you to Gary and Regina York for hosting my first signing at their movie theater.
    
     My latest writing class (yep, still a nerd) at Harvard Extension School has begun and will take me away from social media as I work really hard in these next 4 months to get that 'A.' However, I will still be around occasionally with my funny and motivational take on things, just not so much.
    
     Your Movie Coach is busy putting wisdom into action for the benefit of my present and future readers. Please feel free to message me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, or visit this blog should you miss your Joe fix. More greatness is in the works as I write for my craft, my readers, and myself everyday. I pray my book will support you in creating your own dream life. Everything I put in it has helped me to do just that.

    
     I read, I write, I watch TV & movies, and I dance in my underwear. Beyoncé was correct in her documentary when she said, "Life is but a Dream," and I am living it everyday.


     Thank you again for your support. Until next time...
Take care of you,
Joe Williams-Nelson, Author Extraordinaire, A Real Housewife, Mogul Mom, Movie Coach Joe, Mama Joe, and Mother of Eagles. 

My Work.

Today is Social Media Monday. It is the day where I sit down at my computer at 10a and then look up, and it is 7p. I have no Movie Motivation for today because I had a busy weekend of traveling and recovering from travel. The only movie I saw at the theater was Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. No inspiration to speak of. I have Streetcar Named Desire from Netflix waiting on me to catch up on my work. Maybe it will provide me with some lessons to share on Facebook.

So there was a request from a follower that I share my work. What does the schedule of a stay-at-home mom transitioning back to career mom look like? Since I am an awesome life coach it is filled with a lot of 'me time.' I recommend the same for any followers. If you have ever wondered "what is it like to work with a life coach," I will break it down.


Identification is first. Identify those areas in your life that you want to see improvement, success, or to feel like a winner. I am presently working on the following areas: Finance, Relationships, Education, Career, Self-care, and Service.


Clarity is second. How will you know you have reached success. What will it look like? I will have success in Finance when I have a payment plan worked out with the IRS. I will have success in Relationships when my whole tribe is all together again making new memories. I will have Education success when I get an A in my next class at Harvard. I will have Career success when I recoup the investment I made to self-publish my book, and my residual checks cover my expenses. I will have Self-care success when I can buy clothes in the single digits. I will have Service success when I am making a positive difference in the life of someone else.


Awareness is step 3. You know the sign that says, "you are here," well it helps to know how far away one is from their success to limit frustration. After that, you will know whether to set short term goals or long term goals.


In the Finance area, I am waiting on the accountant to file my taxes who is waiting on Gregory to go through his deductions. We need to finalize the taxes so we will know how much we owe. In Relationships I have spent time with everyone in my tribe recently except for Zack, but I know he is doing well because he is in love and got a raise at work. I am behind already on my Education goal because today is the first day of registration for Fall classes, and I did not do that first on my computer today. My Career area needs structure. I joined social media and am too fascinated to focus. My Service area is on auto-pilot right now. I am donating money to churches and charity, and I am donating unused items to Goodwill, but I am not putting in any face to face time with anyone in need. I have attended a few charity events, but I want to do more. The last area I am focusing on is Self-Care. I am down to 209lbs, and I want to be under 200 by the end of August.


Goals and Action Steps are the last two phases. So my goals and steps for August are the following:


Finance: Goal #1 Get Greg to finish his part so we can file 2014 taxes.
              Action Step #1 Wear low cut shirts and short shorts to motivate him.


Relationships: Goal #1. Make plans to be together during the holiday.
                        Action Step #1 Call and get work schedules for Jordy & Zack.
                       Action Step #2 Put kids school vacation days on the family calendar.


Education: Goal #1 Get an A in Expo E-25.
                  Action Step #1 Register for class. #2 Buy books. #3 Write excellent essays.


                  Goal #2 Get Smooches registered for her Fall class.
                  Action Step #1 Call and remind her to pick up the check for class.


Career: Goal #1 Set a date for book signing and launch party.
             Action Step #1 Open bookmarks, business cards, and posters that came in the mail.
             Action Step #2 Sign off and give approval for press release. Get a copy.
             Action Step #3 Tweet about my placement in the Balboa Press Summer Catalog.
             Action Step #4 Update Blog. Decide about SLPA event for networking (attend or not).
             Mail eBook Stubs to Literary Agents.


Self-care: Goal #1 Release 10lbs in August.
                Action Step #1 Decide about Shape Diva Dash (attend or not).
                Action Step #2 Ride bike instead of driving for anything under 10 miles.
               Action Step #3 Get a massage every week.


Service: Goal #1 Complete documents on Legal Zoom for 501(c) 3 paperwork.
             Action Step #1 Sign paperwork as Director of my non-profit.
             Action Step #2 Go to Legal Zoom site and finish questionnaire.
             Action Step #3 Call Andrea with any questions I may have about the questionnaire
             process.


This is how Life mastery is acquired. Yes most people are juggling work, home, relationships, and life in general. However, when one works with a life coach one is better able to get to new heights. The last thing Life Coaches do is to support their clients in the Removal phase. Most times there are obstacles physically or mentally keeping us away from our BEST LIFE. Life Coaches support their clients in removing these barriers to success with ease.


My list of Removals include:
Late night TV watching during the week.
Social media that is not career related during the week.
Fast food restaurants.
Caffeine after 2p.
Procrastinating. Go to Harvard website after I post this blog (no editing or posting on Facebook).


Those Removals will help with physical blocks. I will get enough sleep, lower my calorie intake, stop wasting time, and just do it when it comes to the class. But what about mental blocks? For mental barriers I find we usually need to add some things to crowd out the unhelpful mental chatter that can sabotage a good goal.


My list of Additions include:
Twice Daily Meditations (Once in the morning and the 2nd with my "Take a Break" app)
Joel Osteen's audio book, "Break Out."
Dr. Oz says to add purple foods, walnuts, and raw honey to my diet.
More talks and sex with Gregory.
Daily 10 minute nap.


So that is a snapshot of Life Mastery. I will give a progress report on this specific post in September to see if I reached my goals, experienced any setbacks, and enjoyed myself along the way. Happy August. (Maybe I will get the movie August Rush on Netflix to watch with the boys before school starts).


I am off to register for class.
Take care of you,
Mogul Mom

B-day Blog

Happy Birthday to me!

     I entered the world 42 years ago in an apartment on Chicago's Southwest side on a Sunday morning. I was born on a sofa and delivered by my uncle. How unorthodox and such is the way of my life.
     I have been exponentially blessed in this lifetime. No one makes it out of this life alive. The hope is that you make it out and have lived; I certainly have. "Life is a banquet, and some poor suckers are starving to death" says Rosalind Russell in my favorite version of the movie, Auntie Mame.

     This summer my boys and I have been going to the library for their awesome events. They have seen weather demonstrations, great folk music (a family tradition), reptiles, and creepy critters, all in the library.

     Sometimes I have joined them, sometimes not. We all know I am never voluntarily going to be in the same room as a rat. I usually sit with the parents in the chairs while the kids cop a squat on the floor around the activities. I have a writer's point of view of the action. So today on my birthday I will rant about two irritations that caught my writer's POV.

     During one of the science demonstrations there was a kid sitting in front of me in a chair and not on the floor. She kept raising her hand and answering the questions correctly when the presenter called on her. After awhile her female caretaker (maybe mom, maybe not) told her to put her hand down and keep quiet. It reminded me of being in school and being told by my own favorite teacher to put my hand down after answering several questions correctly.

     I realized that people, especially women, definitely get their hang-ups and issues during their developmental years. Why can't girls Shine, Lean In, and Run The World? Well they can if we push past these interruptions to our progress as a species. Ladies we have to push back on these antiquated rules that say women and girls have to take a back seat in life. Raising your hand the most is not rude, telling someone the best way to do something is not bossy, and tooting your own horn is not obnoxious. Maya Angelou said, "Timidity makes a person modest. It makes him or her say, 'I'm not worthy of being written up in the record of deeds in heaven or on earth.' Timidity keeps people from their good. They are afraid to say, 'Yes, I deserve it.'"

     On another day, I witnessed a whole other scene. I was going to the restroom, which I do a lot in my forties (ladies do your kegel exercises). As I approached the door it swung open and a little girl and her female caretaker (maybe mom, maybe not) exited. As the little girl passed me she said , "sorry (saw-ree)". In my mind I thought, wow we start them young in these parts. This adorable little miss was all of 3, and already she has the unnecessary habit of over apologizing. I recently told my own little princess to lose the habit. A week or so later she sent me an article that told me she heard me and got confirmation from The Universe that mommy knows of what she speaks.

     We are on the verge of having a very qualified woman become President of The United States. The media outlets are about to tear her apart when they put her through the wringer while she campaigns. We can all graduate our thinking when this happens not by saying they are picking on her because she's a woman but instead saying they are treating her the way they treat all the candidates. She's a woman; she can handle it.
     Hillary Clinton will make a great president if she doesn't wait her turn to speak, tells them how to do it well, and she pats herself on the back when she gets it right. If she does this, she will get my Republican vote and create a better free world for Chelsea's future kids.
     Naomi Wolfe says, "A Mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance actually VACCINATES her daughter against low self-esteem." May I just say that my little princess is on her way to being a Q.U.E.E.N. just like her mommy. Now that is a great gift.

When you learn, teach, when you get, give." - Dr. Maya Angelou

     Today is the day I decided to announce on my blog that my first book is "live." A book that took me over a decade to complete because my priorities have always been with my family. It took me a long time to learn to make myself a priority because I was naturally a giver. As I learned to give to myself first as every Mogul Mom must, I was actually able to finally complete and self-publish my book, Lights, Camera, Take Action. Yesterday my book arrived on my doorstep as I left to take my boys to karate. I sat waiting on them to complete their class for two hours resisting the urge to drive home, and rip open the package on my porch. Good thing I stayed put because my son's friends were not in class. My son usually hangs out with his friends after class while his friends wait on their dad who is in the next class with my teen. So instead he sat with me and talked to me for an hour about the book he is reading.


     I came home and immediately got busy with dinner. When the bellies were full, the dishes loaded in the dishwasher, and the dogs let outside, I sat down to inspect the first copy of my book. My book, my first book, my creation that is not a kid. It was beyond surreal. After looking it over, I talked to my teen for an hour while he gave me my first interview about my book. He wanted to know how I did it from start to finish. I guess all those days I sat at my computer to write didn't resonate until he saw the finished product. He said he wanted to write his own book. I showed him the parts of the book he inspired. I showed him his dedication, and he smiled. I beamed with pride . . . for myself and this wonderful life I have created. I sent pictures to my hubby, my daughter, and to son #1 and they were all excited for me.


      Tomorrow I share my finished product with my women writers group. Today is when I decided to share it with my small platform of readers, the original public fan base of my writing. Today of all days I decide to share proof of my knowledge with the world. As you may already know, Dr. Maya Angelou passed away today. To say she was an inspiration is to say the sun is bright. It goes without saying. America knew and loved Maya Angelou, a woman of humble beginnings, a survivor of childhood horrors, a warrior woman who fought for civil rights alongside fellow great leaders, and a daughter/sister/mother/friend who just so happened to have used words to heal herself and the world as much as any human could.


     As I write this blog, I am listening to Alicia Keys song, Caged Bird on repeat. "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" too . . . because it must in order to know freedom. Maya Angelou said, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." Thanks to Maya Angelou and her courage, here I sit in her birth city of St. Louis declaring to the world today, that I am no longer in agony, I am free. I Am A Writer.


    
Maya, Maya, Maya, Maya . . . Thank you.

"Sometimes It Snows In April"

My latest blog title is actually a song by Prince. Twice it has applied to the weather in my recollection of life in the Midwest. It's actually about the death of a friend so of course it has always touched me deeply. My best friend indulged my love of Prince's music by watching Under the Cherry Moon with me too many times. Thank God for Tender Mercies.

 

I have never been one to critique the work of Mother Nature. Whether it is cold, hot, windy, rainy, or freezing in Chicago, we just dealt with it. So as climate change puts a damper on any plans to store my winter gear, I press on with high spirits. Showtime has a new series about climate change entitled, Years of Living Dangerously. I joined my movie Meetup group for a Friday flick and saw a preview. It looked fascinating. At the end of the preview a man yelled out, "I'm glad I don't have Showtime." WTF?

 

Today is the one year anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombing. Boston Strong is a permanent part of our vernacular. Fear is so un-American so of course one of our nation's early cities presses on valiantly. Events in Boston acted as the genesis of America back in the 1700's, one an act of violence which is known as the Boston Massacre, and the other an act of solidarity known as the Boston Tea Party. Though Spring is running late, there are new births happening all around us. Runners who last year ran the race on legs they were born with will run on man-made legs this year. Awesome!

 

While I am a big supporter of Nene Leakes and her efforts to capitalize on being the best Housewife of all the reality shows out there. I am rooting for Amy Purdy to win Dancing With The Stars. Both ladies had me in tears last night watching the Disney themed show. No matter what the doubters say, you are doing a great job of adjusting to your own need for climate change ABC. My kids and I loved the show last night. The Let It Go performance got all tens. Damn right it did!

 

Speaking of things my kids and I loved. We stayed up late last night watching How the West Was Won waiting on the Blood Moon to complete its performance. We went outside at 1am, tried to make a fire to no avail, wrapped up in blankets, and watched the first hour of the Lunar Eclipse. We came back inside and got up every thirty minutes to watch the moon appear to turn red. It was beautiful. I even got back up at 4am to make sure all was well as the Earth's shadow slowly faded away. CNN has a nice 1 minute video of the 3 hour event. While there check the schedule or view clips for another interesting documentary, Chicagoland. "Just hold on [Chicago], I'm coming home soon."

 

Well it is time for this Mogul Mom to get back to work. On the list for today:

• Blog
• Balance checkbook
• 5 mile run
• Grocery shopping
• Manuscript editing
• Karate class for boys
• Read library books
• Dinner
• TV
• Bed  

One thing done . . . nine more to go.

Take care of you,

Mogul Mom Joe

[Vodka] Diaries

     What is a Mogul Mom to do for entertainment these days? I turn to the sensation that so many fan boys before me appreciated from its genesis onto the screen, Game of Thrones. Distraction has always been a suitable way to deal with one's time between projects, events, and significant routines. Game of Thrones is an excellent form of entertainment inside the house. Of course a good life coach would pass on any lessons gleaned. Game of Thrones does the best job ever of teaching one to grow where one is planted. Whether it is downtime, transition time, or my favorite, 'take action' time, strength of spirit, mind, character, and resources must always be maintained.

 

     Outside the house, I am entertained by my search for friendship. It has proven a worthy quest. I have been reminded of a younger version of myself. A person who was smart, noble, and cute enough to get this Mogul Mom to higher ground. By putting myself out there I have rewarded her for hard work and service done without complaint or compromise. And now she dances without having to watch her back or her backside against trespassers with vodka as her only ride along. "The cold never bothered [her] anyway" however, coldness is not fun. Vodka is a great solution to both.

     If there are moguls in training reading this, my last bit of advice follows:

• Save your drinking days for when you can pay cash for your own libation. Your mind will stay sharp.
• Make good use of your bus pass or walking shoes until you can drive away from the valet stand in your fully paid for vehicle. Your body will stay tight.
• Continue to do the right thing no matter how easy it is not to. This trait will bring the best people your way for years to come. Your heart will stay open.
• Last but not least, moisturize and stay out of the sun so you can still look as cute enough as you did in your twenties. When climbing a mountain, sun protection is most important the nearer one gets to the top; make it a habit now. Your spirit will soar from all the compliments.

The Purple Reign continues . . .
Take care of you.

. . . "the cold never bothered me anyway."

I read a quote that said, "Contentment is wanting what you have." I thought how excellent that definition is. Since reading it my hubby and I have a new saying, "use what you have." We have begun tackling our various Spring projects now that the Midwest is all thawed out, and we are trying to make use of the things we have rather than going out and buying something new. So far so good.


February wrapped up quite nicely. I attended the Black Enterprise Women of Power Summit. It was very educational. I am still making changes to my manuscript. Staring at a computer screen is now my least favorite thing to do . . . ever. How that will work for my Summer class, which is online, is beyond me, but I press on.


At the Women of Power Summit, I heard legendary and inspirational speakers that have added necessary fuel to my dream rocket. I went to the spa and overheard the receptionist say that Suze Orman and K. T. (her wife) were on their way in for services. I had a fan attack for about 5 minutes and decided not to hover waiting for a chance to meet her again. Yes, on two other occasions I was blessed to have an energy exchange with Suze Orman. My decision not to fan out was based in my desire to avoid seeming greedy to The Universe. "Let someone else have that awesome moment" I said to myself.


I managed to make friends while at the conference which supported the goals I set for myself last time I wrote. My new friend actually got to see Suze when she checked in. See it worked out.


Yes, my friend quest marches on. The website, Girlfriend Social is just okay for making introductions with new potential friends. So far, I have only had consistent conversation with one other person. She is funny and refreshing to chat with. We have plans to finally meet in May when I am home in Chicago for my 10 mile run.


Speaking of visits to Chicago, the reason I decided not to be a greedy fan is because at a charity dinner earlier in the month I met two of my financial heroes already. John Rogers and Melody Hobson run Ariel Investments, a Chicago firm in charge of billions of investors' dollars. Mr. Rogers received award recognition from The Chicago Bulls Charity organization at a dinner held on the floor of the United Center. It was a nice night. I also got to introduce myself to Scottie Pippen. He was so nice and gracious as was Ms. Hobson (aka Mrs. Lucas) and Mr. Rogers when I went up to them and introduced myself.


This Mogul Mom is definitely blessed to be spoon-fed by God all the dreams I can handle. However, there is something about contentment that I cannot describe. The Constant Craving (great song btw) that is part of every human has somehow been satiated within me.


When I first moved to Missouri, my kids and I had a motto for our moments of calm. We were officially out of the rat race of life as well as the hustle and bustle of city transit and traffic, and we were loving it big time. Our motto was il dolce far niente. It means, "how lovely to do nothing." We first learned it from watching the movie Houseboat with my favorite actor, Cary Grant years prior. Now we knew its meaning.


I have time to hang out with my family, write, teach, and read at my leisure. It is beyond lovely. I wish this peace for everyone who reads this. I finished the book I was reading about the search for friendship. It was a decent read after all. The writer was aware of her insecurities and her own flaws as a friend. It gave me great awareness. It also introduced me to Meetup.com. A place for people with common interest to find each other on the internet and make plans to get together. So far, I have joined 3 Meetup groups, one for women writers, one for pure socializing in the city, and one for networking with real estate investors.


I have only gone to one Meetup, and it was just what I needed. Maybe that is why I am experiencing an overabundance of contentment. I met with 4 other women in a coffee shop to discuss our writing. Is this Joe heaven or what? No that would be found on Harvard campus for me, but this was close. A freelance writer, a playwright, a mystery novelist, and an Arts reviewer are now all potential friends. I am meeting next week with another writer who is not able to make our Meetup time. I also have two dates on my calendar to attend events with my social group. Yes, contentment is almost like heaven on earth.


My kids sat me down and made me watch the Oscar winning movie, Frozen. Am I glad they did. I have been listening to the Oscar winning song, "Let it Go" every day on repeat since the Oscars. It perfectly sums up my first quarter of living like a Queen in 2014. "Here I stand in the light of day" and the view from my mountaintop is Amazing!!!!

BFF (Best Friend For Now)

I grew up in a huge family. My cousins and I were raised together like siblings. I was named after my aunt so everyone refers to me as Lil' Joe even my cousins who are younger than me. My mother is 1 of 10 kids. So birthday parties, fish fry Fridays, card games, reunions, church teas, Halloween parties, and big spreads for holidays and graduations were the norm. As a result, Lil' Joe is extremely social. I also make friends quickly. Being from the sign of Cancer makes me a moon child which translates to highly emotional. To say it in as few words as possible, I love hard. I feel everything deeply. Joy, pain, anger, and sadness are emotions that linger longer for me than someone else who may be of a different zodiac sign. When I make friends I make them for life. Now I aspire to make some 'for now' friendships.


At the age of almost 42, I find myself with a void in the friendship department. My research has taught me that this is normal for my age group. Relationships go through stages that require re-evaluation as life changes take place. Some of my friends are in new relationships or ending one, have new babies, have lost a parent, are creating new businesses or new careers. A few are flaky, shady, dysfunctional, and disloyal. None of these things matter for me as I am somehow great at handling multiple relationships at one time. I make every event I am invited to. I remember birthdays, anniversaries, and I love to celebrate major life changes. I manage people well because I am not judgmental, and I trust myself. My rule is that if I trust myself then I don't need to trust anyone else.  


However, here I sit with a void. Well not really. I am just in need of some fresh new relationships. I recently read about an anthropologist named Robert Dunbar who believes the size of a one's brain determines the number of relationships one can maintain (that rhymed). Last year during a Lifeclass episode with Oprah and T. D. Jakes, the genius preacher said something so profound it sums up my present state. The show was about mending relationships. Oprah asked him when is it time to end a relationship to which he basically said that if you're a person with a ten gallon capacity hanging around people with a pint size capacity then the relationship won't last. It reminded me of something I heard him say at a conference on the same subject. He said, "If you're the smartest one in your group then it may be time for you to get a new group." I am in need of new groups.


A small minded person would think I just called all my friends stupid, but that would not be your first thought if you knew me. I am magnificently brilliant. So at the very least my friends even the shady ones are interesting, smart, cute, and fun people. I am just all those things and then some. So I require more stimulation than the average Joe. I decided that in 2014 I would pursue some fresh friendships. I am not looking for a new best friend because I have had some great friendships in my life. I feel like if I went in search of a new, awesome, soul mate type of friendship then I would just be a greedy person. My best friend died in a car accident when we were 20, and we considered each other soul mates. If that was my only friendship then it would have been enough. It certainly has lasted despite her death. Everyday at 7:11, I look at the clock and know that she has just said hi to me whether it is morning or evening. She, like me, was a July Cancer. Her birthday was July 11th.


My other best friend and I have been friends for almost thirty years. I have another friendship that was formed in the womb. Our mothers were friends as kids and got pregnant during the same time so we were always thrown together as friends throughout the years. My friends from life coach school and I have been besties for 13+ years now. I made friends at work and am still friends with at least two former co-workers that accounts for a 14 year friendship and a 20 year friendship; she just became a new grandmother, talk about life changes. I have a friend that I met when we were both soccer moms rooting for our boys who were the star players on the same team. That friendship has endured for 9 years now. She met her soul mate online, got married, and moved to a new town to create a great new life. I have more than my share of great friendships. Maybe I am greedy and spoiled. I just want someone to get together with socially on a regular basis. We don't have to complete each other.


On that note, there is always my hubby. Who is truly my best friend and soul mate. Then I have my awesome kids. Another one of my rules is that women should not give birth to their friends. So while I can hang with my kids, and we have great laughs and great times, they are not my friends. I was blessed with two younger sisters and we are friends. But those relationships have changed as well. I remember back in the day there was a TV show called Sisters that we never missed. The thing is I have always been a caretaker for my sisters. I have recently learned that everyone is more comfortable with me being in the caretaker role more than in the friend role. Sometimes I need a friend who can take care of my needs whether it is a need to vent and whine, get drunk and party, or travel and go on adventures with. Trying to do this with my sisters almost went into the same realm as if I were kickin' it with my kids. For some people in my life, I do not have the luxury of showing weakness. So while everyone is in transition mode, I am going to the movies alone, watching The Housewives alone, and sitting outside of karate alone.


My hubby has his golf group, his brothers are all older so he can lean on them if needed, and he talks to his business partners everyday for work ideas and projects. When you're a stay at home mom going through the same school lessons for the fifth time, it can become a bit un-stimulating. Writers keep conversations going all the time in their heads. I need to get out of my own head for stimulation. On laundry day, I pass the time by getting into some great debates with strangers in online message boards about current events, but I desire something more. I want more social friendships. Maybe I am meant to become a socialite.  


So here I am in 2014 on a mission to get in some friendship dating by putting myself out there. I go to charity events, workout classes, and kid activities trying to bond or click with other women and moms. But nothing has stuck. I went to see Beyonce' with my trainer, and we are becoming friends, but time does not allow for development of a social connection. I went to Vegas to see Maroon 5 with my massage therapist, but we are now in two different cities. I used to have a weekly appointment with an awesome hair stylist that I considered a friend for 8 years, but now that my hair has fallen out from thyroid issues, I haven't reached out socially. I was even good friends with my nanny back in the day, but she got married and the relationship changed. Making and keeping friends is easy but getting together regularly, not so much.


Relationships change and people's priorities adjust because of it. So what is a girl to do specifically to find friends? I went in search of a friendship dating service and I found one, GirlfriendSocial.com to be exact. A women only, for friendship purposes only website for finding a new friend anywhere in the world. On top of that, I also found a new book to read called, MWF seeking BFF. It is a quirky book about a woman seeking friendship in Chicago. She goes on 52 friendship dates to find the one. She meets up with someone from work, book clubs, workout classes, or recommended by other friends every week for a year. She got enough material for a book so it goes without saying that my blogging may get busier while I am friendship dating.


So far I have reached out to other friend seekers from St. Louis, Chicago, and London (which I am considering moving to within the next ten years). The website is free and run by volunteers. I am considering becoming a guest blogger on their website as well as an event host. I would coordinate gatherings for the ladies from the site to get together to fill that social void. No networking, strictly platonic, safe friendship dating. We all know I can throw an awesome party in my sleep. So exciting times ahead for this Mogul Mom.


I will wrap with a recap of my January. I was off to Harvard for a writing class that I needed to matriculate as a degree candidate. I braved the east coast weather and travel dramas for 3 weeks, wrote two great essays, and made friends. We laughed everyday in class. It was awesome. The teacher who was equally brilliant, awesome, and fun had us tell the story of our name as an ice breaker. By the end of our first week of ice breaking, everyone was calling me Lil' Joe. Meeting with them everyday brought back memories of the good times I used to have with my employees in my café everyday. Maybe this is what sparked my friendship search. I desire to have a group of friends that I see regularly for common interest that I can laugh with, share dramas with, and enjoy the things that make life worth living.


We finished up the last day of class by meeting at a bar called John Harvard Brew House. The bar had delicious food (shepherd's pie and bread pudding omg!), top shelf drinks that were not watered down for those 21 and over, and more laughs. I am convinced that one classmate will be my daughter in law one day. Another was a former marine back home from Afghanistan getting a degree, a med student from Korea, some highly adept computer hackers tackling Harvard's educational system, another Korean student whose dad was teaching at Harvard, an MIT employee, and a cool lady who works in the emergency room and already has her Master's degree by way of a portfolio application. She just wants to get her bachelor's to complete her degrees list.


I found my college bar in Boston and everyone knew my name like an episode of Cheers. I was definitely not the smartest one in this group and it was awesome. However, the group confessed that they all agreed if anyone would get an 'A' in class it was going to be Lil' Joe. Of course I got a well earned 'A'. I had to tear myself away from the good libation, delicious food, and awesome conversation so I could catch my plane and get back home to my first priority which is my family, but we had fun while it lasted. A few of us are going to try to get in the same class together for the summer session.


Despite the weather, my January was as sunny as can be. My only resolution is to create some fresh new friendships. I need a workout buddy, a brunch buddy, a fellow TV and pop culture junkie to gab with, a mom friend, and my husband and I need a new couple friendship. I am speed reading through this book because the writer has too many insecurities to be interesting. I just want to see how it ends and get some friendship dating ideas. I may start an investment club or a book club. The website is going to be great for my career if it affords me the chance to practice my writing and speaking skills should I volunteer to blog or host events. So far, I have started conversing with two potential friends. I will keep chatting online for about 3 months before I get together with anyone.


I will hopefully have new pictures and articles to post from some great February events that are on my calendar. Until then . . . 


Take care of you.

Black Girls Rock!

So I wrapped up 2013 with the usual suspects for the holiday (my tribe). Thanksgiving dinner lasted for about ten minutes after it took me 2 days to cook all the recipes I wanted to try. I did manage to get up on Thanksgiving morning and get in a 5k Turkey Trot. I set a goal to beat my last 5k time of 41 minutes. I also had a goal to run the whole 3 miles without needing a walking break. I ran the whole way but finished at about 43 minutes.

December found me with my usual holiday blues as I am on the outs with my relatives . . . maybe. During the holidays I especially mourn my losses as the New Year approaches. The first song on my holiday playlist is always by Prince of course. His song, Another Lonely Christmas makes me think of my deceased best friend Tarsha.

Well one day while I was praying and meditating, I asked God to send me comfort and he answered my prayer. The two days a week of church and spiritual service were helping but they were just not putting me over the edge back into bliss land until the answered prayer came in the form of Beyoncé's new visual album . . . OMG!!!!

My daughter, who keeps me flyer than I would normally be, alerted me on Thursday night that the album was dropping that Friday morning. But for some reason the joy of such news did not push past my fog until Friday after meditation.

The best money I have ever spent has been on some form of a Beyonce' product. She makes me happy to be a black girl in America. I reclaim my lost childhood when I dance around in my underwear pretending I am Mrs. Carter on stage in her leotards.

Well this album not only soothed my hurt soul, it sparked action and that is what this life coach loves most. I went to Stub Hub and bought 4 tickets to the Mrs. Carter concert which was rolling through St. Louis that Saturday, how divinely timely.

So I listened to her new album on repeat all day in between watching her videos which were a huge bonus that I would have gladly paid extra for. I got 4 tickets for my daughter and me; and then I invited my trainer, and my daughter invited a classmate.

This made for the 3rd Beyonce' concert for this Mogul Mom this year, and I enjoyed it as if it was my first. Mrs. Carter is indeed flawless in her performance. BTW, Flawless is the name of one of her new songs that feature the heavily critiqued lyrics, "Bow Down Bitches." Turns out that is just one line is a superbly perfect song aka Flawless.

So the breakdown of her album goes like this for me. This album celebrates a grown up and happily married Beyonce' Carter, mommy to Blue Ivy. Do not listen if you have delicate sensibilities; it is for grown women who will appreciate Beyonce' sharing her vulnerabilities and strengths so we Mogul Moms do not feel the full brunt of, "Another Lonely Christmas."

I wrote a whole review of the visual album on post its to put up on this blog; but I don't have time for all that, just trust me, it is awesome. My favorite song is Drunk In Love. Which prompted me to get drunk after the concert at home in my kitchen while I continued my own personal Beyonce' concert and dance session (yep in my underwear). I was the driver for the night so at the concert I could not indulge. I certainly made up for it with Grey Goose, drunk emails to my sisters, and sexy texts to my hubby.

Her song, Heaven just picked up where Prince left off and actually helped me to go ahead and get over the edge of mourning the loss of my best friend. Her line, "heaven couldn't wait for you" summed up the hole in my heart perfectly.

The last song I will mention is entitled Blue named for her baby girl hence the particular color of this font. It is a perfect love song from a mother to her child. My own baby girl said the concert was the best night of her life. She and her friend were hand picked to go to the front of the stage to populate the Beyhive. I saw her up on the giant screens 3x holding hands with the Queen Bey herself.

I, like Beyonce', live this life to make it better for my baby girl and then to relive it through her happy eyes is the bonus I get for doing a great job.

My baby girl is 20; my best friend was 20 when she died; and I have spent 20 lonely Christmases crying in my kitchen in between holiday hits. This year, my tears will be more joy than sorrow coupled with the release that comes with freedom. I cry tears of joy for a life well lived, my daughter's and mine despite heartache, tragedy, and setbacks.

2013 was my lucky year.

In 2014, you will find this Mogul Mom enjoying her life as a proper Queen.

Bow down indeed.